My Collection of Memories
by Xorrel
Summary: Kate wakes up after being shot and her last memory is of Castle leaving with Gina to The Hamptons. Castle helps her to recover her memory as they try to repair their friendship. Caskett. My first attempt at a Fan Fic.
1. Waking Up

_This is my first ever fan fic, so go easy on me. I've had the idea in my head since the finale but I got to nervous to post. I've already written about 12 of the chapters and there's still another 4 or so to come. Any reviews would be greatly appreciated, good or bad. Thank you!_

_Note: Anything in italics is a flashback or a memory._

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><p><span>Chapter 1 - Waking Up<span>

To say that Kate was in pain was an understatement.

She woke up, lying down in a bed with stiff, white sheets. All she could see was the ceiling. There was a constant beeping sound which sounded like a heart monitor and there was that sickening smell of disinfectant. She didn't have to be a detective to know where she was. Her vision was slightly blurred and it was taking everything she had not to fall back asleep. What had happened? She didn't remember getting injured to end up in a hospital. At least that's where she though she was. It was the only place she could think of that would describe the sensations she was overcome with particularly the searing pain in the middle of her chest, just to the right of her heart, which was still beating steadily. After a few seconds, she heard a voice she couldn't place.

"Miss Beckett. You're finally awake. You're in the hospital." A nurse was staring down at her, with a slight smile gracing her features. She was right. The hospital. Duh. But why?

"Wh-" Kate had barely spoken before she started to cough, each one sending a wave of agony over her body. Her mouth was like cotton and her throat hurt like hell. The nurse gave her a few ice chips to suck on before she attempted to speak again.

"What happened to me? Why am I here?" Her croaky words seemed to have worried the older woman who's expression changed from optimistic to concerned in a matter of seconds. Not good.

"You were shot Miss Beckett. By a sniper at a funeral. You're incredibly lucky you're not lying in a casket right now. The surgeons did one hell of a job. It took them just over 6 hours before they finally wheeled you out of there." She paused a moment before breaking the silence. "What's the last thing that you remember?"

"Uhh... I was at the Precinct with by friends. I was speaking to Castle and his ex-wife turned up. I can't remember anything after that. Everything has gone black. What day is it now?"

"It's the 18th of May, 2011. The weather is just getting nice isn't it?"

Beckett wasn't listening to her comments about the weather. 2011? Last time she could remember was 2010. Gina and Castle.

* * *

><p><em>"It's not just this weekend we're talking about is it?"<em>

_She had decided to break up with Demming. She liked him. She really did, but there were feelings for someone else rising to the surface and they were greater than those she held for Tom. Esposito had a point. Maybe Castle did just hang around to see her, not for research, and now Demming had appeared, it hurt him to see her with another guy. She could lose the detective, but she couldn't lose the writer._

_"No." She replied quietly, shaking her head. She looked away, seeing hurt spread across his face._

_"Was it something I said, Kate? Something I did?"_

_"No. No." She felt guilty, for leaving him just days after they'd begun, but there was someone he wasn't. He wasn't Castle. Her Castle. "You're great. You're really great, and I really like you. It's just I don't think this is what I'm looking for right now."_

_"What is it your're looking for, Kate?"_

_She looked through the window and saw him on the other side._

_Beckett walked into the conference room to find the Captain, the boys, Lanie and Castle laughing away whilst eating pizza. It was time to tell him she wanted to go with him to the Hamptons. She'd been trying to pluck up the courage for an hour or two. As soon as she entered, Castle's head shot up to look at her._

_"Oh... Well look who's off duty!" He sounded cheerful and she grinned slightly as she opened a beer._

_"Yeah well, Castle, I'm not all work."_

_"Don't get into a drinking contest with her. She can take you." Lanie was trying to be serious, but she was just trying to send Castle's imagination wild._

_"Thank you."_

_"Oh, I don't need to drink to take him."_

_She could see the effect the comment had on him just by looking at his face as the words left her mouth._

_"Oooh! What's gotten into you?" Lanie was definitely shocked to hear her best friend be flirty with someone, especially in front of all her colleagues._

_"Castle. Do you have a second?" She tried to say it quietly to avoid raising suspiscion, which failed considering she was in a room with an ME and a bunch of cops._

_"Of course, yeah." He pulled back his chair to follow her outside, closing the door so the guys couldn't hear them. "What's up?"_

_"Look... I know that I'm not the easiest person to get to know... And I don't always let on what's on my mind, but this past year working with you... I've had a really good time."_

_"Yeah, me too." She could tell he was trying to work out what she was about to say. He was unusually quiet. He would normally try and butt in with a jokey comment._

_"So... I'm just gonna say this and..."_

_"Richard?" She focussed her attention on the blonde woman walking towards them. "You ready?"_

_"Hey, Gina. Beckett, you remember Gina, my ex-wife?"_

_"Publisher." She held out her hand and Beckett shook it, seeing the guys get up to take a peek in her peripheral vision._

_"Yeah, we spoke the other day. Looks like you've finally tracked her down." Beckett tried to stay sounding positive. What was happening? She was about to tell Castle how she felt. She liked him and wanted to go to his beach house with him and suddenly his ex-wife/publisher had turned up out of nowhere. This wasn't supposed to be happening._

_"Oh, yeah. He's such a little boy sometimes. I mean, I don't know why. It's not like I bite. Much." She felt sick. Her moment had been ruined. If only she'd said something sooner. "We better get going or we're gonna be stuck in traffic all night." _

_"Going?" Nothing could make this moment worse._

_"To the Hamptons." Bam. It was worse. _

_"For the weekend?" Please, God. Just the weekend and he'll be back._

_"No, for the summer actually." Seriously, she'd never felt so lousy. "So I can stay on top of him while he finishes his book." Her heart hurched at the thought that she'd be doing that in more way than one._

_"I'm sorry." She was struggling to form coherent sentences. "I didn't think the two of you got along."_

_"We didn't. But, then, last night on the phone, we got talking..."_

_"... And ended up talking for hours. Just like old times."_

_"So I'm uhh.. sorry. You were telling me something." She couldn't say anything. She couldn't tell him after that. He looked happy and she couldn't spoil it when she wasn't certain he had any feelings for her. It didn't look like it right now._

_"Yeah. I wanted to say... Have a great summer."_

_"You too. And like you said, it's been really, really great."_

_"Yeah, it has." _

_They looked at each other before Castle started to leave. They shook hands. She'd be hoping they'd have been doing more than shaking hands right now. Hugging him? Kissing. Holding his hand? Yeah right. Who was she kidding? She was just a Detective._

_"See you in the fall?" She called after him, giving him a final chance to change his mind, even if he didn't know it._

_"See you in the fall." And he turned and walked away._

_All she could do was stand there, trying not to catch Lanie's eye. They'd heard everything but she couldn't do anything but grab her coat and head home whilst willing herself not to let the tears spill over._

* * *

><p>"Are you OK, Miss? You look confused. It's normal not to remember a few hours before your accident. Although they don't always return to our memories right away."<p>

There was someone new here now. He had a stethoscope around his neck and wearing scrubs. Obviously a doctor. He was visably concerned.

"Are you listening? You sustained some pretty serious injuries. The bullet hit your chest and broke several ribs and punctured your lungs, so it's normal if you have slight difficulty breathing, but if it gets really bad, don't hesistate to ask us to turn up your oxygen levels. OK?" She was still staring ahead at the door. She'd been sat up in the last few minutes. Or rather, the bed had sat up for her. It relieved some of the pain but that wasn't what was bothering her. "Can you tell me the date?"

"It's 2010. Isn't it? Memorial day weekend?"

The doctors face was overcome by a troublesome expression. She could tell something was very wrong with what she'd just said.

"Miss Beckett..."

"Detective Beckett."

"Sorry, Detective Beckett. I'm afraid a year has passed since that date. It's 2011." He paused. "I believe you have amnesia caused when you hit the ground after being shot. The type that you appear to have means that you have forgotten the events in your life over the past year, but you still remember who you are, your childhood and most importantly, your family. I know this news is hard to process, but there is still a possibility it will come back over time. It could all be back within a week or two, a few years, or not at all. But I would suggest talking to your friends so they can tell you the main events of your life in the past year. I will tell them about your amnesia before sending them in, yes?"

Woah. Amnesia. Not something she'd been expecting. A whole year. She'd lost 365 days of her life and there was no telling if she'd ever get them back.

"Yeah, please. Who's out there?" There couldn't have been many people. Lanie, the boys, the Captain and her Dad.

"There are two young men in uniforms with a woman. She very loud, if that helps. There's also someone I believe to be your father, a young red-headed girl with a red-headed woman and a man who won't stop pacing. He hasn't been home in the 48 hours you've been in here."

She guessed that meant Ryan and Esposito, Lanie and her father. But why would Martha and Alexis be there. And was she correct in thinking that the man pacing the halls could be Castle? He'd left for the Hamptons with Gina. Why would he be here if he hadn't returned to the Precinct?

"Yeah, could you send them in?"

"All of them?" He sighed. "It's against hospital policy to send more that 2 or 3 people in at once at this stage in your recovery, but it's been two days and they haven't seen you at all. Any sign of stress or pain and they're all out again. Understand?"

"Yes, I do. Please, I need to get my memory back."


	2. The Hangar

_Thank you for all the kind reviews after my first chapter! I'll try too upload a chapter a day if I can. Here's the latest. _

_I'd also like to point out that Josh will only be appearing in later chapters and of course, he won't be well received by the 'gang'. As I'm sure you can tell, I don't like him much. I'm also English, so if my terminology or spelling is different, that's why._

_I don't own Castle or the characters. I can only dream. Vividly._

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><p><span>Chapter 2 - The Hangar<span>

Her father had entered a few minutes after the doctor left. She presumed he'd told them of her memory loss. She'd rather not explain about not being able to remember the past year. What would they think of her? Jim Beckett rushed over to her side as quickly as he could, taking her hand within his.

"God. I was so scared Katie. I thought I'd lost you. If I lost you I don't think I could manage." He was starting to sob whilst kissing the back of her hand slowly. She felt tear fall down her own face before turning her attention to the hand on her other shoulder. Ryan, with Esposito close behind him. They were wearing their uniforms, which was weird. What had made them wear their uniforms?

"Hey Dad. Shh. It's OK. I'm here, alive." Jim sat down, looking years older than the last time she could remember them seeing each other. "Ryan, Esposito. It's good to see you. What are you wearing?"

No one said a word. The boys looked at each other and ten down to the floor simultaneously. Her brows furrowed at their response. Something had gone down, and she'd forgotten it.

"Guys, you bet-"

"Shh. Honey. We'll fill you in later, OK? Right now, we're here to see you and make sure you're getting better." Lanie had tears in her eyes as she pushed passed Ryan to stroke Kate's hair from her face. "I'm so glad we didn't lose you, girl. I've never been so scared in my life. Need my best friend to eat ice cream with and talk about boys." She turned around to face Esposito who gave her a small wink. Yep. She'd definitely missed something.

"I may have forgotten the last year, but I still have my detecting skills and I saw that wink Javi. Are you two...?" She pointed between them with a questioning look.

"Geez, Beckett. Didn't take you long to figure it out last time around, either. And we thought you all wouldn't notice. But no one can outwit the great Katherine Beckett, huh?" Esposito put his arm around her and kissed her cheek.

Kate was shocked to say the least, but she was genuinely happy for her partner and best friend. To think she couldn't remember the girl talks about them upset her. "Lanie. You. Me. Talk. Later."

"You got it girl, but right now, you got more visitors."

At that very moment, she saw a flash of orange enter the door and was crushed by a young body.

"Oh my God, Detective. I'm so glad you're alive. When you were hit, I was so scared. You fell to the ground so fast and I was scared when you didn't get back up. Oh, no, am I hurting you? I'm so sorry. I'll go before I-"

"Alexis, you're rambling again, Darling. Calm down and give the woman some room to breath and I'm sure she doesn't want you to leave." Martha was stood behind her comforting the young girl. Alexis had tear stains on her face and she looked older than the last time they met.

"Wow, Lex. You look older than I remember you. You look like a young woman instead of a girl. Wait. Does this mean that you're going to college this year?"

"Yeah. I'm going to Stanford with Ashley. Oh, you won't remember him. He's my boyfriend. You've met before, so I've heard. He likes you, you know. I like you too. I'm so glad you're OK."

"Alexis, give her some space. She needs it after what she's been through this week." Kate's eyes flicked to the door to see the owner of the familiar voice. His hair was sticking up every which way and his dark shirt was stained with what she only guessed was her blood. He had dark circles under his eyes, and she could only guess he'd barely slept since she'd been shot. He was staring at her. Correction. He was staring right into her. She could see the way his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed tears back. Everyone could sense the tension rise as the staring contest continued between the female detective and the writer.

"Come on then, Alexis, dear. We should give the two some time to talk and the doctor only have us 5 minutes. They've got a lot to catch up on." Alexis reluctantly stood, as did everyone else. Her father gave her another kiss on the hand, and one on the temple before leaving her, telling her he'd be back to see her in the morning. Ryan followed Esposito who followed Lanie, leaving her alone in the room with Castle, who was stood at the foot of her bed.

"I though I'd lost you."

She just stared at him. She'd seen him upset before but this was... He looked pretty devastated.

"I thought you'd died in my arms." A tear was threatening to fall from the corner of his eye as he made his way to the side of the bed, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve.

"What happened, Castle. Why am I here?"

"God, Kate. How do I tell you? You were shot at the funeral when you were giving the eulogy. I saw the gun and I tried to protect you but... You got shot anyway. I'm so sorry, Kate." He wasn't making any sense. Who's funeral was she at? Everyone was here at the hospital, apart from Montgomery. Her heart fell in her chest as she realized what had happened. She'd give a eulogy for very few people, and he was one of them.

"Whos' funeral, Castle? Who died?"

"Montgomery. He died to protect you. He made his stand."

* * *

><p><em>"Captain?"<em>

_"Over here"_

_The hanger was a big place and she was surrounded by darkness. The only light was coming from the moon. She could hear the captain in the shadows and slowly walked towards him, taking her phone from her pocket as it signaled a new message._

_**3rd cop -**_

_**It's Montgomery!**_

_It was from Esposito. She stopped her approach as soon as she read it, only to look up and see the subject of the warning stood there with his gun in his hand. The safety off._

_Without uttering a word, she returned her phone to her pocket and brushed her fingers over her Glock._

_"Put the gun away, Roy." She started to walk again before she heard him speak._

_"Kate, I'm not going to jail for this. I can't put my family through that."_

_"Why?" Why would he do such a thing? Why would he lie to them after everything that happened with them? Why would he hurt her mother? Why would he hurt her?_

_"I was a rookie when it happened, Kate. Raglan and McAllister were heroes to me. I believed in what we were doing. We were just gonna snatch Pulgatti that night. Bob Armen wasn't even supposed to be there. Armen, reached for my gun. That's when I heard the shot, I didn't even know it was my gun that went off until Armen went down. Then McAllister pulled me into the van. I remember him saying 'It's OK, kid. It is not your fault. Happens in this town every day.' McAllister and Raglan tried to drown it. But not me. I put it all into the job, Kate. I became the __**best**__ cop I could be. And then when you walked into the 12th, I- I felt the hand of God. I knew he was giving me another chance, and I thought if I could protect you they way I should've protected her..."_

_She only had one question floating arounf her mind._

_"Did you kill my mother?"_

_"No, that was years later, but she died because of what we did that night."_

_"Then who killed her?" She had to know. She was a cop because she wanted the answer to that question so damn bad._

_"I don't know how, but somehome he figured out what we had done. He could've turned us all in and instead he demanded the ransom money. He took that money to become what he is, and God forgive me, but that may be my greatest sin."_

_"Give me a name." She stepped closer. "You owe me that, Roy."_

_"No. Knowing you, Kate, I give you a name, you'll run straight at him. I might as well shoot you where you stand."_

_"But that's why you brought me here, isn't it? To kill me?"_

_"I brought you here to lure them."_

_"You baited them?" Her face was one of disbelief. He caused her mothers death unknowlingly, and now he was trying to make amends by preventing hers._

_"And now they're coming." She turned to where he was looking and saw a black SUV approaching them slowly. "I need you to leave. They're coming to kill you, and I'm not gonna let that happen."_

_"I'm not going anywhere, sir." She was desperate now. She was desperate for him to leave them. She didn't want him to die for her. That was what he was here for after all._

_"Yes, you are. Castle, get her out of here." He was here?_

_"Captain..." He walked towards her protesting with her._

_"No arguing. That's why I called you here. Get her out of here, NOW." He was getting worked up now, but who could blame him?_

_"Captain, please. Just listen to me. You don't have to do this." Her voice was breaking a little, her control slipping from her._

_"Kate..." Castle put his hand on her shoulder as she turned round to look at him before turning back, knocking his hand from her._

_"No. Please, no. Sir. I forgive you. I forgive you."_

_He closed his eyes which where harboring unshed tears. "This is my spot, Kate. This is where I stand." He was speaking in a whisper now, watching her eyes fill up before him._

_"No!"_

_"Kate..."_

_"Castle..."_

_"No. No. Sir, please. Listen to me. You don't have to do this." The car was approaching rapidly now. It was only a matter of seconds before they arrived. She was trying to keep a stern voice, but her tears were betraying her._

_"CASTLE! Get her out of here, NOW!" His whisper turned to shouting._

_"You don't have to..._

_"Kate. Kate..." Castle wrapped his arms around her from behind and lifted her from where she stood. He turned and started to walk from Montgomery to escape with her._

_"No! God, Castle. Let go! No! Please, NO!" She was crying full on as they barged through the door at the rear of the hanger, her voice echoing through the building._

_"Rick. Please..." He put her down to stand on her own to feet as they listened to the screech of the car tyres on the opposite side on the hangar._

_He pushed her against the car, pressing his hand to her mouth to prevent her making noise to alert them to her presence. Her hand reached up to his cheek, stroking his skin softly as her body slid down the car. After a few moments, they heard a series of gunshots echo behind them. Then after another few minutes, there was another 2 gunshots. They heard one more gunshot before Beckett pushed her body from the car, moving Castle out of the way. She ran to Montgomery's side and let the tears flow._

* * *

><p>"I... I remember. Lockwood. My mother's case. Most of it I think. I..."<p>

He watched as her eyes filled and before he knew it, he was sat on the edge of her bed with her head resting on his chest while her tears stained his shirt, joining her blood.

"Only me, you and the boys know what he did. We agreed we'd keep it that way. He was a good man, Beckett. If it wasn't for him, you'd have been shot sooner, and you wouldn't have survived. God. I'd miss you so much." The hug was as much for him as it was for her. They needed each other right then.

"There's something else you should know, Kate. After I came back from the Hamptons, we had a case and we met a bounty hunter who was chasing our suspect. It was Mike Royce, your TO. He was arrested for something else pertaining to the case and sent to prison. When he got out he was shot dead. I'm so sorry."

She cried a little harder, but he figured it was best to get it over and done with all at once. It wouldn't be easy. He'd seen her break the news of a loved one's death to families of murder victims nurmerous times, and he'd done it once or twice before with her by his side, but this was something else. He could only hope that she would run out of tears, fall asleep and have a few hours of peace before she had to approach the subject again. He'd say nothing until she remembered, if she remembered. And even though she was breaking in his arms, he couldn't help but want to create memories of their own together, starting with him being there for her as much as possible.

The doctor had said she couldn't the remember the last year of her life, which by his reckoning meant that she could think she was still with Demming and that he'd gone to the Hamptons with Gina. She'd been mad at him when he returned after the summer, and though he still hadn't figured out why exactly, he wasn't about to let her push him away, not after everything they'd been through together.

Speaking of boyfriends, he'd gotten Josh's number from one of his colleagues so that he could tell him to come home from Japan or whatever foreign country he was in. He'd picked up the phone and told Josh exactly what happened, when, but not why. The doctor had told him that he'd get a flight home as soon as possible and would ring him back when he'd arranged it. That had been two hours before he had called again, saying that he was going to wait until the programme had finished. He couldn't get home without paying a fortune and the people needed him. He'd be back in just over a week. Obviously his girl wasn't as important to him. Hell, whether Kate was Castle's or not, he'd move heaven and earth to get her. He'd jump infront of a bullet. Again. But next time he'd make sure he had more success.

He and Lanie had arranged to talk at his loft in a few days about what to do when Josh turned up. He thought _he _was angry. Lanie almost had an outburst right there in the hospital when Castle told her of his conversation. "She may not realise it, Castle, but what she needs right now is you, not him," she'd told him. He hugged her, she cried and then she told him to shower. Obviously he didn't and right now he wasn't exactly fresh.

He was scared she'd take a turn for the worse; that she wouldn't be able to go back to work; that she wouldn't get her memory back. He was scared that she would get her memory back. He didn't want her to have to live through images of radiation poisoning, freezing to death and getting blown up, or getting shot for that matter. He was afraid that she hadn't heard those little three words before she'd passed out. But most of all, he was petrified that she had, and she didn't feel the same, that she'd push him away. He'd fought his way into her life 3 times and he would fight to make sure he'd stay there.

He came out of this thoughts for long enough to realised that she was now resting against him after crying herself to sleep. He longed to take away her pain, physical and emotional and hold it all for her, bear it so she didn't have to. He put his arms around her and rolled her carefully on to her side to prevent tearing any stitches. He pulled the cover up to her chin and put his hand in her hair, stroking her hair softly before leaning down, kissing her forehead. He'd get a nurse to make sure she was medicated to prevent any more pain.

Leaving the room, everyone turned to look at him.

"How is she, bro?" Lanie was crushed to Esposito's chest, her head turned waiting for an answer. He went over to the chair, sitting slowly and shook his head.

"She asked me what happened and I had to tell her she was shot at a funeral, and who's funeral she was at. Probably wasn't the best timing for it, but I told her about Royce too, that way she can start dealing soon enough. Get it over with as soon as possible, but she's going to need us all over the next few weeks, whether she wants us or not."

After about half an hour talking about Kate, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Alexis and Martha all decided to head home to eat and shower and come back to see her in the morning. Jim stayed behind, sitting by Castle.

"Thank you, Rick."

"What could you possibly have to thank me for? It's my fault that she's lying in there. I reopened Joanna's case and I got her shot. She almost died because of me."

"No. It's the gunner's fault. He pulled the trigger, not you. You reopened the case, yes, but it would have happened eventually. She looked at that file for years and I know that one day something would click inside her head and she'd go after this guy. But she'd go after him alone without someone to keep her grounded, without you. She could've died, but you saved her as well. You saved her from herself. Almost 10 years she was a shell of herself, my little Katie buried deep inside somewhere and you found her and set her free and it's the most wonderful feeling to know that your daughter is alive, well and happy, even if her life altered at 19. She would have been dead long before now without you."

Castle knew Jim was right on a certain level.

"But one second quicker and it would be me lying there and she'd be fine."

"You tried to take a bullet for my daughter. As a father, I know how you would feel about a guy who tried to sacrifice themselves to save Alexis and that's how I feel about you. As far as I'm concerned, welcome to the family."

"Family?"

Jim stood up now and turned to look at the seated writer.

"It's only a matter of time, son. She'll see the light soon enough. She loves you too."

Castle only hoped so, but couldn't understand why Jim said what he just did.

"Please, Rick. I've been in love and I can spot a fellow man in love from a mile away. And trust me, you're literally oozing feelings for my daughter. Now, I want you to go home and shower, you stink. Eat some food, get some sleep. I'm gonna stay here tonight and I'll call you if anything happens of if she asks for you."

Castle had no choice but to stand up and nod. His hands shoved in his pockets, he walked towards the elevator, turning for a second after feeling a hand squeeze his shoulder. He smiled briefly and continued his mission for a sleepless night.


	3. Josh, Demming and Gina

_Don't you just hate it when you write a chapter and your laptop crashes the second before you can hit 'Save' and you have to rewrite a chapter? Anyway, enough of my troubles, there's a bit of angst in this chapter as it deals with the three most hated people in Castle fandom. Josh, Demming and Gina and there's plenty of telling Kate what to do._

_Now please excuse me, Castle is finally premiering in the UK which means I get to see a ruggedly handsome writer on the widescreen TV instead of the puny laptop. Thanks once again for your reviews and don't be afraid to criticize. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. *sob*_

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><p><span>Chapter 3 - Josh, Demming and Gina<span>

Kate Beckett had plenty to think about. She'd lost her memory and her father figure of a boss. It was a good job there was morphine or she wouldn't have slept without nightmares filling her mind.

Waking up the next morning, the pain was no better than the day before. Just as the doctor had said, she was now only allowed a maximum of two visitors at one time until she was feeling a little better, but right now there was only one person she wanted to talk to.

As soon as Lanie Parish entered the room, a sorry smile formed on her face. She worked with dead people, but the fact it had come close to seeing her best friend on the slab had rattled her. She was just glad she had a certain male detective to make her feel better.

"Hey, girl. Good to see you awake. Do you need anything? I can call the doctor or nurse in if you like."

"I'm OK, Lanie. Right as rain."

"Kate. I'm your best friend. I can tell your're not fine. You got shot and you've been in hospital for just short of three days. You almost died on me. So don't you tell me you're fine. Where does it hurt?"

There was no fooling Lanie. She saw straight through her like always.

"Everywhere. It hurts when I cough, sneeze and a little when I breathe, but I don't want to take the pain relief or I'll just fall right back asleep. This isn't like me, Lanie. I feel so weak." There were the waterworks again. She was a strong, independant woman and here she was in a hospital bed and she couldn't even go to the toilet or eat solid food. Lanie just held her for a few minutes before deciding to address the amnesia.

"So. This memory loss. What was the last thing you remember?"

"Gina turning up at the precinct. Castle walking away. Hell, I can't even remember leaving the building. Must have hit my head pretty damn hard... Speaking of relationships. Do I, uh, have someone special?"

Lanie's face changed. Kate thought she saw sadness and annoyance. And was that anger? "Yeah, you have someone, but to be honest, he's no one special."

The news shocked Kate. Right now, her brain remembered having feelings for Castle, which complicates having a boyfriend. Speaking of him, where was he? She'd been shot, and she wasn't being selfish in thinking he should be here. Does she love him? "What's he like?"

"I won't lie to you Girl, he's hot. Smokin'. His name is Josh Davison and he's a cardiac surgeon in this very hospital only he's not here right now. He's in Japan right now as part of a programme, giving medical attention to those who need it. There was an earthquake a few months ago so they need plenty help. Thing is, whenever you need him most, he's never in the country. He may be pretty, but the guys would agree when I say that he's not good for you. You don't like to talk about him and he's never around. I wouldn't say this to you normally, but I need to. He's not your one, Kate. Your mother's case is reopened twice and both times he's across the world which means it's Castle who's keeping you grounded, and keeping you alive. He saw the glint from the gun before the shot was fired and he tried to take the bullet for you, Kate. Josh wouldn't do that."

He'd done what? Castle had tried to save her by _taking a bullet for her. _Its not that kind of thing someone would do for just anyone. Personally, she'd only do it for people she couldn't live without, which raised the question, 'Why did Castle jump?' Lanie could see her mind working, processing what she'd been told.

"The sniper aimed for your heart, but Castle shouted your name as he was pressing the trigger which made you flinch just enough for you to be standing here. You were less than a centimetre from death. The man adores you, Kate."

This kind of talk wasn't doing her any good. She didn't need Lanie judging her decisions or telling her that she cheated death. Time to change the topic.

She paused a minute to take a few deep breaths before asking the question Lanie had been waiting for. "What happened with Castle and Gina. Are they still together? Married again?" She had trouble hiding the spite and anger that fuelled her voice, but Lanie could only smile at the answer.

"They broke up back in January. You had that case when the magician died. Zolman, was it? You played a pretty mean trick on the killer. Scared him half to death in the interrogation room when his twin brother made him think he was still alive."

She didn't hear the last part of her best friend's sentence. She was swimming in recollection.

* * *

><p><em>She entered the break room to grap some bottled water, not noticing Castle was stood in the corner on his phone to someone.<em>

_"No... No... What I'm saying is..." He sighed as she overheard him talking. "It's over."_

_He was talking to Gina. She shouldn't be here. He wouldn't appreciate her listening in, so she turned and walked away._

_He returned a few minutes later as she was preparing to leave._

_"Heading out?" He sounded unusually happy considering he'd just broken off his relationship with his ex-wife/girlfriend._

_"Yeah. It's late."_

_"Motorcycle Boy?"_

_"I really wish you would stop calling him that." She was trying to be intimidating, but she was smiling at him, showing him she didnt really mind. It was Castle after all._

_"Doctor Motorcycle Boy?" She turned around to walk to the elevator whilst fixing her gloves, the smile remaining._

_"He's on shift tonight. I was gonna see if I could catch the comfort food truck." She stopped walking as she came up with an idea. "You wanna come?"_

_"Macaroni and cheese? Warm biscuits, hot chocolate? How could I say no?" He waved his hands, emphasising his point, making her heart beat just a little faster at his eagerness to spend time with her. "Hey, I wanted to say thanks, for uhh... not mentioning that article or asking what was going on."_

_They were silent for a few moments whilst stepping into the waiting elevator, turning to face the doors. He watched intently as she reached her hand up her sleeve to reveal some plastic flowers, which she held out to him._

_"Not a problem." He took them and let loose the grin that had threatened to escape, just as the doors closed._

* * *

><p>Beckett couldn't stop the slight upturn of the corners of her mouth at the thought of Gina being gone. "Has he uhh... Got anyone else?"<p>

"I think he's got his eyes on someone. She's a pretty kickass woman too. You'd like her." Lanie gave her the devious smile she gave whenever the subject of Castle arose.

"Can ask something? Who is Motorcycle Boy. I remember Castle mentioning something like that."

"Castle's nickname for your beau."

"He rides a motorbike?" She couldn't remember his appearance, but what kind of girl didn't like a hot guy in tight pants? Certainly not Lanie.

"Oh, yeah."

She couldn't help but bite her lip and then crinkle her eyebrows when she started imagining Castle. Damn medication.

"Listen, Kate. I gotta go, but I'll come back tonight, OK? I think your dad will be here soon anyway. This whole shooting business has really taken a toll on him. He spent most of the time sharing memories of your childhood with Alexis and Martha. It was nice to see him smile every so often and he was keeping Alexis fairly stable. I'll send him in if he's outside. It's been good to see you, and don't feel bad about Josh. You deserve so much better."

She leant over the side of the bed to squeeze her hand tight before releasing it, before leaving the room.

Within seconds her father and Castle entered, both looking better than yesterday. As soon as Jim laid his eyes on her, he was overcome with relief. He'd seen her alive the day before, but when your wife is murdered, and your little girl gets shot, you don't do too well in the emotional department.

"Hey, Katie. It's good to see you again. I missed you so much." She could tell he was trying to stay strong for her but he was struggling. She knew her father and he'd been just as much of a mess when her mother died.

"Hey, Daddy." She didn't know where the 'daddy' came from. The last time that name had been used was when she was eight, and she claimed she was too old to call her parents 'mommy' and 'daddy', but she was still his little girl, even if she was thirty-odd and not three. "How you holding up?"

"Me? You've been shot, sweetheart. It should be me asking you that question. But that was always you, huh? Ignoring your own needs and helping others. Your mother was the same, you know. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. It'd be like losing her all over again, but this time I'd have no one to save me when I fell."

"You'll always have me, Dad. Don't ever forget that, OK?" They were holding each others hands so tight, they were starting to go a little numb. They sat there in comfortable silence, not having to talk about anything to know what the other was thinking.

She turned in time to see her shadow put some flowers in a vase next to her bed.

"You brought be flowers? That's sweet of you."

"Yeah well. Thought you might want something to brighten up the room. Been in here a few times due to my own stupidity and even as a writer, I couldn't make the room sound remotely cheerful in my head. Though you're looking better. Nice to see you smile after last night."

How could she forget? She cried herself to sleep in his arms, which hadn't exactly been on the agenda. He'd been good about it. Asked no questions and just held her as she needed for as long as she needed.

"Listen, Castle, I-"

"Hey, I know. Don't worry about it. Our little secret." He tapped his nose with his finger and put the hand back in his pocket. "I'll be back later. Give you guys some time, yeah?"

She nodded and gave him a smile. When he smiled she couldn't help but return it. After watching him walk out the door, she faced her father again.

"So. I finally met this Richard Castle of yours. He's a nice guy. He refused to go home for the first two days and would just sleep on the plastic chairs in the waiting room. Plus, he insisted on paying for the best care for you."

"He's not mine, Dad. He shouldn't be paying for me, I can pay for myself. He's just someone who follows me around for research for his books. I'm just Nikki Heat to him." She didn't actually believe what she was saying, but the thought had plagued her mind since she met him and became his muse. Not that she had had any choice in the matter.

"From what I heard, you'd have been dead months ago if it wasn't for him. I saw the way he was outside when the doctor came to give us news. He shot up from this chair so fast, I was surprised he didn't fall over. And when I was talking to his daughter, telling her all the little stories about my little Katie, I didn't miss the look on his face. There was even a hint of a smile which was an achievement after what had just happened. He cares for you, very deeply. You may not remember some of your times together, but something happened between you two to make him like that. A year ago, you were calling and all you'd talk about was how great he was. He was helpful on the cases, and every one in a while, he'd do something stupid, but he'd make you laugh as well. I hadn't seen you so happy since your mother was with us. And then for a few months, I heard nothing about him. Everytime I inquired about him, you'd shut down and ring off the phone. But eventually, his name started to come up again, and believe me, Katie, you were not talking about him as though he was just your shadow or a secret crush. He's good for you and you'd better hope to God that you remember everything, because you might just break him."

Kate was shocked to say the least. She was being told by her own father about her feeling for a man that she'd only known for two years, as far as she could remember. Everyone seemed to know more about her feelings than she did herself.

A lot must have gone down in a year for her father to think that, and Lanie had insinuated it as well, not that her doing that was unusual. And she had a boyfriend and all she really knew about him was his name. Josh. Hopefully her memory would come back and she'd be able to remember the time she with him, but according to her favorite ME, he wasn't worth the brain space. He couldn't be that bad if she was still with him. She also realised that having conversation with people would be more difficult than she thought. She'd already revealed information to Lanie that had surprised because Kate thought she wouldn't know. What would she let slip to Castle?

God. This was gonna be a difficult few months.

* * *

><p>Castle was in the hospital elevator on his way to the ground floor. He wanted to stay for longer, but he knew how much father-daughter time would mean to Jim. When he'd first arrived, he'd seen Lanie in there with her already, obviously in the middle of a girl talk. Leaning next to the door, he hadn't meant to pick up on their conversation. They were talking about Demming and why he was gone. He moved away from his spot and sat down. He didn't wwant to eavesdrop and he'd heard more than enough. He realised that a year ago he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Kate had been his for the taking and he's chosen his ex-wife instead. She was ex for a reason.<p>

How could he have been so damn stupid?


	4. I'd Get You Out

_I've tried to do Martha justice in this chapter. She's a hard character to grasp as she's so theatrical but at least I tried :)_

_I'm going to make Kate remember some of the little moments (Alexander, Temptation Lane, Natalie Rhodes) as well as the big moments (Freezer, Kiss, I love you). I'm going to try and make her remember in different ways like looking at an object, hearing a voice, or dreaming. If you have any ideas, don't hesitate to make a suggestion! Hope you like this one._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, but I do own a brain so I can keep dreaming._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4 - I'd Get You Out<span>

The next day, the doctor upped the amount of visitors allowed to 3 which meant that Kate had spent the last few minutes sat with Martha and Esposito. Ryan was following up a lead on Beckett's shooter with a little help from a determined Lanie and Castle had gone home to see Alexis off to school.

"How are they doing with finding my shooter? Made any progress?"

Esposito tried to stay in detective mode as he told her the details.

"No. Lanie is helping Ryan with a lead, but after the bullet hit you, the sniper ran and had a pretty big head start which meant we couldn't catch him, but he left the silencer in the grass when he hurried to escape, and it was a rare model that are hard to get hold of, so hopefully we'll be able to trace it back to whoever shot you." He was trying to sound hopeful, but both detectives knew how good some of the professional hit men were at covering their tracks.

"I don't know what that means, but I'm hoping it's good?" Martha had always been confused when Richard explained their cases to her when he came home, but it didn't mean she understood.

"I guess it's better than nothing. Somewhere to start."

They were all silent at the prospect of never finding her shooter until they heard the creak of the door opening.

"Hope you guys are hungry. I brought food." Castle was stood there, juggling a bunch of paper bags with bright red logos in his hands. "I managed to sneak them in without the nurses seeing, but I managed to talk to the doctor, and you're allowed to try some solid food. I know it's know Remy's but I know you like your burgers." She gave him an appreciative smile. He'd read her mind after the doctor spoke to her the previous night about trying food again, as long as she wasn't too greedy.

"Thanks, bro. Just what I needed." Esposito had his mouth full of cheeseburger within seconds of taking one of the bags.

"Ugh. No thanks, Darling. That looks disgusting." Martha shuddered at the thought of eating greasy fast food.

"I know how picky you are, Mother, which is why I got you a sandwich. Just how you like it." The old woman was pleased at her son's thoughfulness. Not just because she'd have something edible to snack on, but because he seemed slightly more like himself. He'd been closed off as soon as they had reached the hospital when 'it' first happened, but he was clean, tidy and had evidence of a contented smile on his face.

It was Kate's first taste of solid food after the surgery. "Oh God. This tastes sooo good, Castle. Where did you get it from?"

"A new place opened around the corner. **Burgeropolis.**"

* * *

><p><em>"So. Two lovers reunite after 3 years... Where would you go?"<em>

_They had to find Greg after he broke his girlfriend out of prison. As far as they knew, they could be anywhere and the letter's they were reading were starting to make Beckett feel a little awkward._

_Castle didn't have to think for long before replying with a standard male answer. "A motel."_

_"Really?" She wasn't expecting that. After all the things she'd heard him say, she'd figured that he was a romantic. A rare breed these days. And yet here he was and a motel was the best he could come up with? "That's what you call special?"_

_"Well... I'm assuming they're on a budget." He watched her as she shook her head a rolled her eyes. Such a guy. "Alright, where's the first place you'd go?"_

_"I don't know. Some place romantic... Some place with special meaning, maybe-" She stopped as he turned to look at her and raised his hand to stop her speaking._

_"Like the first place they met?" _

_She watched as he messed about with a pile of letters, trying to find the one he was looking for._

_"I'll never forgot the first time I laid eyes on you. That cold, rainy night inside the __**Burgeropolis**__, Hillsdale." He snapped his fingers with triumph. "Hillsdale, New Jersey."_

_"__**Burgeropolis? **__You think that's their special place?"_

_He looked down at the letter considering his response. "Yeah.. No... That's stupid."_

_"Maybe we'll get lucky with the APB's."_

_"That was a nice thing you guys did in there." Esposito was touched by Castle and Beckett's actions. They'd given Greg and Amy in holding takeaway from __**Burgeropolis**__ where they'd first met. The guy was so in love with her that he'd broken her out of prison. She'd actually been innocent in the end._

_"Well... I just thought that after everything Greg did for her, they deserved a chance. Besides, if it were you and I, in Amy's shoes, we'd still be rotting in prison."_

_"Ha! Speak for yourself bro. I'd escape."_

_"What? You'd just leave me in there?"_

_"Law of the jungle. I gotta look out for numero uno."_

_"Wow. Nothing like a hypothetical prison sentence to know who your friends really are." _

_All the time Esposito and Castle had been talking, Beckett had been round the corner listening intently to their conversation. She almost felt sorry for Castle at hearing Esposito wouldn't help him out of prison. He looked a little disappointed._

_"Don't worry, Castle. I'd get you out." She hadn't realised the significance of the comment after the conversation with Martha earlier in the day, but she still meant it. Castle just stood there, rooted to the spot, his jaw hanging open. She started walkng towards the elevator before realising she wasn't being followed. Turning round, he was STILL stood there._

_"You comin'?"_

_He jolted out of his stupor and followed after her. "Yeah..." He ran to her side and she turned to look at him as he left._

* * *

><p>Castle looked at her as she stopped eating suddenly, staring into space. "Kate, you there?" He waved his hand infront of her face until he got a response.<p>

She placed her burger down on the small table across her bed. "I'd get you out..." Martha and Castle looked at each other confused, whereas Esposito knew exactly what she was talking about.

"The case when Greg broke Amy out of prison so they could be together. You guys gave them food from Burgeropolis because it was where they first met. Me and Castle were talking after the case..."

"You said only get yourself out of prison and leave me to rot and Kate said that she'd get me out if I was ever locked up..."

Castle could recall the moment easily. They same day his mother had told him that it takes true love to break someone out of prison. Something that he wouldn't do for Gina. He'd stood stuck to the spot with his mother's words running through his head. _'Would you be willing to break her out of prison? Because that, my boy, is true love.'_

He wasn't the only one who could remember the conversation. He looked towards his mother to see that she'd stopped eating and was staring wide eyed at her son. "Is that when-"

"Later, Mother."

"No wonder you were so cheery that night, huh?" She muttered to herself as she returned to her sandwich.

"No I'm a little confused again. Why are you all smiling at me? What was so important?" Kate was annoyed. She was lying in a room with her colleague, her partner and his mother, and all three of them had just had some kind of epiphany. Martha was winking at Esposito and Castle was smiling down at his hands looking pretty damn happy.

"Nothing you won't figure out in time, Darling. C'mon Richard we should go home. Alexis will be back soon and we need to have a little mother-son chat, don't you think?"

Castle looked to Kate, silently pleading with her to save him from the wrath of Martha Rogers. She couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face as though he'd been caught out.

"I'm gonna go too. See if Ryan has any news on the silencer. See you tomorrow. I'll come back with Lanie and Ryan tonight and update you. Get well soon, chica." As Esposito left, she caught his face one more time. He was grinning from ear to ear and shaking his head. He'd be talking to his girlfriend about that one later.

"I'll come back soon, yeah? Oh, and Alexis want's to come and see you as well. She's been so worried about you and I had to force her out of the house this morning. She was pretty cut when she saw... You know." He gave her a sympathetic look and his hand rested on her leg before he and Martha said their goodbyes and left. Before long, she was in a morphine hazed sleep for the second time that day and having a pretty interesting dream.

* * *

><p><em>"The only thing that Amy talks about is being innocent of the crime she was convicted of and how much she missed Greg."They were once again buried in a pile of letters between the pair of lovers.<em>

_Castle picked up a letter and started to read before slowing down his speech towards the end. "Yeah, it's pretty clear Greg misses her too. Listen to this. 'The days without you grow longer, but my love for you grows..."_

_"Stronger?"_

_"Harder. A poet he's not."_

_"Yeah, well. Not everyone is a best-selling crime novelist."_

_Castle gave a small smile before scanning the letters again._

_"And it doesn't mean their love was any less. Listen to what she wrote to him. " Beckett picked up a separate letter, reciting it to Castle. "I can't bear to see you suffer. Make a new life with someone else. Just be happy. If anyone deserves it, it's you."_

_Castle started to shuffle the letters once more. "I think I have his response to that." He found a small white letter and turned to Beckett to starts reding it aloud. "'I don't believe in much, but I believe in us.' I like this guy. 'And no matter the obstacles, no matter how hard you try, you'll never get rid of me. I love you.'" As he read the last line, he faced Beckett, looking her straight in the eye. She was smiling back at him, but her face turned to shock as she realise what he'd just said, even if they weren't his words. They looked at each other for a few more moments until they both turned away, nervously._

_"You're right. These are worthless."_

_That was awkward._

* * *

><p>She'd recalled something else but in the form of her dream. At least she though it was a memory. She was sat in the same room as she was when she remembered earlier. Letters piled high, they were wearing the same clothes and Castle was just as ruggedly handsome. Woah, Kate. Stop thinking like that. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. Medication or Castle?<p>

This amnesia thing was gonna get complicated.

* * *

><p>Castle walked through the front door of his loft, stepping out of his shoes with ease. He walked over to the kitchen and poured himself a drink. Not alcholic. He didn't need it so much seeing as Kate was alive and well now. He'd forgotten his mother was behind him until he jumped at the sound of her voice.<p>

"Going to tell me what that was all about earlier?"

"There isn't anything to say." He tipped his head back and drank his water in one.

"Would you get _her_ out of prison, Darling?"

"I need to get her out of the hospital first."

"Richard."

"I'd take a bullet for her. Hell, I already did, but look at how that turned out."

"Stop being so angry with yourself. Detective Beckett doesn't need that right now. She needs you to be strong when she can't be, although she'll hardly tell you when. Can you imagine what she is going through? She can't remember her cases, her boyfriend, she can't even remember what she ate last Friday."

"Remy's. I had to force her to eat because she was working late on her Mother's case." He smiled at the memory, even though her shouldn't. She didn't take care of herself, and it had turned into his job over the past 3 years.

"See. She needs you even when she's healthy. Remember what I said, Kiddo. Don't wait until she's shot again or even worse." She turned to walk away but turned when she heard him sigh as though he was preparing himself to speak.

"I didn't wait. I told her and she can't remember. It's probably best. She has Josh and a bullet wound."

"What exactly did you tell her?" She walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders. "You can tell me, Richard. I'm your mother and I care about you. I could help you."

He closed his eyes and looked away from her. "I told her I loved her. I love her. As she was bleeding all over my hands and I thought she was dying. It was my last chance."

Martha put her hands on his face and turned his head to him. "Look at me, Darling. She won't remember right away, but you have got be there ready to prove it to her in case she does. And if she doesn't, I want you to tell her again when she'd better, OK? I've seen you two together and she's like no other woman you've ever dated and she loves you too. It'll come to her soon enough. Now come on and eat. I made some lasagne earlier and there are some leftovers in the fridge."

"Are you trying to put _me _in hospital?" He managed a small smile towards her. He knew he could count on her confidentiality, although deep down, it was obvious that everyone he knew, knew exactly how he felt about her. It was only the woman herself who didn't know. Especially now.

"Thanks, Mother, but I'm going to get some sleep. I need it." He walked up the stairs and heard her call.

"Promise me, Darling."

He said nothing.


	5. Alexander

_This is one of the lighter memories and of course, one of the best loved. Gonna make Kate have a few brief flashbacks to Set Up and Countdown over the next few chapters which gives her and Castle something to have a serious talk about._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p>Chapter 5 - Alexander<p>

Ryan and Esposito visited that night and brough a bunch of case files with them. They were ones she'd worked in the past year, but so far, she was remembering nothing.

"This is the last one. Let's see. Oh, I loved this one. A psychic was murdered and found stuffed in a sofa. She even predicted her own death! How cool is that?" Castle was almost bouncing out of the chair as he retold the case to her.

"You seriously believe in psychics, Castle?"

"You said that last time, but Penny told you somthing and you looked kinda unsure when I asked you about it."

Penny. The name Penny rang a bell in her head.

"Was Penny the victim's daughter?" The boys nodded, hoping she could recall something. "Did she claim to have 'the gift' as well?"

"Yeah. Apparently she had insightful dreams from time to time." Beckett had mentioned his middle name. He hadn't known in what context and he never got the chance to find out, but it was nice to think the psychic talked about him. At least he hoped it was him. "Can you remember what she said to you?" He showed her a picture of the daughter from the file hoping it would bring something back to her.

Kate laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. Something was there. She could see the girl she believed to be Penny in her mind.

* * *

><p><em>"What's wrong? Did you remember something?" Beckett was talking to Penny, the daughter of their 'psychic' victim, whilst closing the doors to the room to give them a bit of privacy.<em>

_"No... It's not that." Penny was confusing her now. Her mother had been murdered, and yet she was asking to speak with her for different reasons?_

_"I'm afraid I wasn't completely honest with you the other day," After a questioning look from Beckett, Penny continued, "The fact is, I have a little bit of what my mother did. Sometimes I have dreams that are meaningful. Last night I had a dream about you."_

_Beckett was interested to say the least, but this was a little weird. "Ok..."_

_"And I can't really explain why, but I feel very strongly that I'm supposed to tell you something. Something important. Are you ready?"_

_"Uhh, I'm ready." Now she was getting kind of creeped out. She didn't believe in psychics but it didn't mean she was intrigued by what Penny had to say._

_"Alexander," Penny replied, without missing a beat._

_"Alexander?"_

_"Alexander. I don't know who he is, or what he means to you."_

_She couldn't think of anyone of anyone with that name from her past. "I don't know any Alexander."_

_"You will," she continued immediately. "You will meet an Alexander, and he will be extremely important to you. At some future date, he may save your life."_

_"Ok... Good to know." Now she definitely not believe in psychics. Alexander? Pfft. Yeah, right._

_They'd just solved the psychic's case after a long day. Beckett started to move towrards the conference room, before hearing Castle turn round, asking, "Oh. Before I forget. What did Penny say about Alexander?"_

_She was facing him now. What was it with him and believing in ghosts and predicting the future? "Oh, nothing. Just some silly stuff that didn't really make any sense." Castle looked a little downhearted which failed to catch Beckett's attention. "Why?"_

_"Because my middle name is Alexander," he said, looking up to face her._

_"I thought your middle name was Edgar."_

_"Been perusing the personal section of the Richard Castle website again, have we? No, I changed my middle name to Edgar, for Edgar Allen Poe, back when I changed my last name to Castle. My given name is Richard Alexander Rogers. What a coincidence, huh?" He smiled knowing that the piece of information he'd just revealed had affected her somehow. She watched him turn his back and walk to the stairwell, biting her lip with excitement..._

* * *

><p>"After she spoke to you, you said that she told you a name and an some stuff that made no sense. Can you remember it?" He was fishing. He'd been curious as to what Penny had said as soon as Beckett opened her mouth to speak about it.<p>

"She told me about an Alexander. Apparently he's very important to me and will save my life at some point. I can't remember much else apart from Castle mentioning something about the name."

Castle's eyebrows were raised at her.

"I never told you that last time, did I? You tricked me into telling you." Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "What?" He had a smug grin on his face by this point.

"Sorry, but it was totally worth it. You can't tell me you don't believe in pychics now, Detective. I've proved her right several times now."

"You're Alexander. Richard Alexander Rogers. Not Edgar."

That meant Castle would one day save her life. If he hadn't done so already. "Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Saved my life?"

Castle paused and considered his answer carefully before continuing. "I'd like to think so. And you saved mine plenty of times too." He was looking at her with a sincere expression, which made the boys feel a little awkward.

"Castle saved the lives of everyone in Manhattan, never mind your life. Thousands of people owe him their life and they don't even know it." Ryan nodded towards the man in question, whilst Castle blushed.

"How did that happen, huh?"

"That's a story for another day. I'm kinda hoping you won't have to remember. We went through a lot in those two days. We almost died three times in 48 hours."

She could tell he was reliving the events he was talking about. She'd get it out of him eventually, but she decided to respect his wishes for now.

Castle stood from the small chair at the side of the bed. "You must be getting tired. We'll leave you to sleep for the night and I'll come see once I've sent Alexis off to school in morning. I think my mother will probably be joining me as well. She's been asking after you."

"Yeah, us too. I think Lanie's going to be coming down tomorrow to see you. She was working pretty hard yesterday, helping track down leads." Esposito and Ryan turned to leave, but turned again on hearing her voice.

"Guys. Thanks."

"No Problem, Becks." They left, leaving Castle looking at her cautiously.

"You gonna be OK? I know this must be tough on you but-"

"Castle, go. Go be with Alexis and your mother. They need you more. Come back tomorrow." He nodded slowly. "Oh, and try to sneak in a milkshake. From Remy's if possible and make sure it's-

"Chocolate flavoured, I know. I promise. Now rest, KB."

* * *

><p>Lanie stood at the door of Castle's loft waiting for him to answer. She'd asked him if she could come over so they could discuss Josh and helping Beckett. As she was thinking, Castle swung the door open and greeted her.<p>

"Lanie, hey. Come in and make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks, Writerboy."

She handed him her coat and sat on his sofa. This was the first time she'd been here and she was impressed. The place was big, fancy and most likely expensive. She'd picked the wrong profession.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Got any of your nice wine?" She wasn't the kind of girl who held back and she needed the alcohol if they were going to be talking about Kate's supposed boyfriend.

He returned with a glass of wine and a bottle of water for himself. He sat down to face Lanie and waiting for her to start the conversation.

"I told Kate about Josh. She didn't remember anything about him and she asked me what he was like. I told her and didn't hold back about him always leaving her. She looked as though she didn't know how to take it and I felt so guilty, but I just get angry when I think about him. He should be here with her, even if she doesn't know who he is. She lost her Captain and got shot within four days and all because of her mother's case and he's in Japan, the asshole. When he turns up, I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold back. Might just slap him."

"I'll hold him in place for you. He almost left her for 6 months to go to Haiti without even thinking and the only reason he's still around is because she almost froze to death. Wait until she remembers, she's going to ask why we didn't tell her. He'll be back in 6 days which most likely means she'll know more about him. I propose that we talk to him first. Tell him about the amnesia and then you can beat on his ass if you like."

"That's probably best, but don't tell anyone else or it'll make it worse. She needs us right now and we're not going to let her down."

"Well she'll be out of the hospital by then. Did she tell you where she plans to stay after she's discharged? I've got a spare bedroom here. I could sleep in there and she could sleep in my room so she doesn't have to tackle the stairs. She knows her way around..."

"Does she now..?"

"When her apartment blew up, she stayed here a few nights until she found her new place. She didn't mind then, but this time she's going to need my help and she won't accept it readily."

Lanie sighed.

"I agree, but she opens herself up to you more easily than anyone else. You know what makes her tick and she told you things about her private life quicker than she told me. I'm glad she has you, Castle. She needs someone like you in her life."

"She has me for as long as she wants me." He was playing with his water bottle, fiddling with the label.

"I heard what you said in the cemetary. I wasn't far away from her after you said it. I was trying to get closer to her but by the time I got there she was unconscious. But just think about it this way. She heard you, which means that she might remember eventually.

He was still messing with his waterbottle as he spoke. "I don't know if I want her to remember. She pushes me away all the time and I don't know if I could take it much more. You say she needs me, but it's the other way around. I just..."

"I know, Castle." She stood, put her glass on the table and turned so she could put her hand on his shoulder. "Give her time. I'll let myself out. And don't forget to sleep. You look exhausted."

He heard the door close and her footsteps down the hall, but what his ears missed was the creak of a floorboard at the top of the stairs as Alexis made her way back to her room, absorbing everything he'd just heard.


	6. 3XK

_Sooooo sorry about the late update. I've had connection problems which meant I couldn't post any chapters for the past few days, so now my connection is fixed, I've made it my first task to update. And because it's been about 4-5 days since then, I'm posting 3 chapters today to make up for it, and possibly another 2 or 3 tomorrow._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6 - 3XK<span>

The next day, Kate awoke to find the the catheter gone and less machinery around her, which obviously meant she was making some kind of improvement, though she knew full well that it would be a few months until she was back kicking ass. Her memory was still only coming back to her every so often. She was finding herself remembering odd details about random cases but could never pinpoint exactly which one. She'd ask Castle or the boys to bring back more of the case files, even though they weren't meant to leave the Precinct.

She was startled out of her thoughts by the opening of the door to see her favorite ME stick her head around the door and came to sit down slowly.

"Everything OK, Lanie?" She wasn't used to her friend acting nervously. Hell, she still wasn't used to her long hair.

"I should be asking you that. You got shot."

"I'll be fine. But seriously, what's wrong?" Lanie blushed looked to her lap and blushed slightly. She only ever got this way when it was about a guy. Esposito. God, it was weird thinking of them together, even if they were a perfect match. "It's Javier. I need some advice, Kate."

"What's he done wrong?"

Lanie looked up and caught Kate's eyes.

"He's done nothing wrong. In fact, he's done everything right. When we first started dating, it was so thrilling. He was charming, always saying the right things and damn, he's hot in bed. But over the past few weeks, especially with with the Captain and you getting shot, things have changed. He's still all those things, but the way he looks at me, as though he's staring right into my soul. He can't keep his hands off me, not in a sexual way, but affectionate, you know? Always holding my hand and kissing it, kissing my cheek just hugging me and the things he says to me. He tells me I'm beautiful and that he misses me whenever we're apart, even if it's just an hour or so. I've never been with a guy who's like that before and I feel so... happy."

"I never knew Esposito was such a romantic. But what do you want my advice on.?"

Roles were reversed. For many years, it had been Kate seeking advice, or Lanie forcing it down her throat - Castle this, Castle that - but know the tables were turned. She just hoped she could do her justice.

"How do you know when you're in love, Kate?"

Kate automatically smiled. She was so pleased for her friend. She may not remember her colleague and the ME interacting together, but it sounded like everything they both wanted and more, and they both deserved it.

"All the songs make sense."

Her brain registered that she wasn't the only one saying the words at that very moment. He head whipped around to the door to see Alexis and Castle stood there, looking completely casual. Castle was looking just as shocked as Kate at their simultaneous comment.

"Who told you that, Castle?"

"You did, a few months ago. Alexis was asking me and I couldn't even get a word in. Then you were at my door and I asked you and that was your reply. It's pretty sound evidence if you ask me."

"And trust me, Kate," Alexis piped up, "when you remember that moment, you'll laugh your head off, trust me. I wasn't there, but what he was wearing almost had me in tears laughing."

"Space Cowboy again?"

"Nope, steam punk." She gave him a confused look. "It pertained to the case, and I was willing to give it a try. Not my cup of tea, I must say."

Lanie had been watching the whole interaction. She knew Castle was odd and she'd seen him dressed up as Poe at his Halloween party, but he had more costumes? That was going on the list of questions.

"So, my question?" Lanie was wary that there were two other people in the room but she'd been worrying about her releationship as well as Kate, although obviously less so. But before the Detective could reply, the writer jumped in with his own answer.

"There are different kinds of love. Love for a parent, sibling, child. Love for a friend, though I'm guessing you're thinking romantic love? I've heard people say it's friendship set on fire. The best kind, to be honest. Get to know someone and their quirks before actually falling. If you love someone, you'd do anything for them. You want to spend time with them, and make excuses to do so and most importantly you put their happiness before their own, even if it means you being miserable, watching someone else make them feel that way. You go to the moon and back for them, kill for them, die for them, take a bullet for them..."

Alexis and Lanie were looking at Castle, Castle was looking at Kate, and Kate was looking at Lanie, once again oblivious to what had just happened. He'd pretty much admitted he'd fallen for her, hard, but she wasn't paying all that much attention.

"Thank you, Castle. That was just the answer I needed. Now if you excuse me, I need to go see someone." She picked up her purse, giving Kate's arm a quick squeeze, and Castle a quick wink, with a smile the size of New York.

"I'm glad she's happy. She deserves it." Castle was looking at the wall blankly, his earlier speech sinking in.

"Yeah. They both do. So, did you remember anything else or need any help from us? We've brought a backpack full of newspaper clippings to help you get up to speed with news and sport. There's more to life than police work, believe it or not."

Kate nodded as Alexis opened the backpack onto the table over her bed. There was plenty to look at. It was over an hour before Kate found an interesting article on a series of murders.

"What happened there?" She handed the paper to Castle and Alexis read it over his shoulder. Both their faces dropped at the same time. Not many things stopped Alexis from being Alexis, which meant this was something big.

"There were a similar sting of murders a few years back but the killer was never found. We called him the Triple Killer. Killed blonde women by strangling them. We found the murderer and arrested him. We thought we had anyway, until me and Ryan went to say goodbye to our witness, but we figured it out too late. We had the wrong guy, and me and Ryan were stood in a room with him. By the time you found us, he was long gone, Ryan was unconscious missing his badge and gun and I was tied to a chair. I was so glad to see your face."

His hand was resting on the bed next to hers, and before her brain realised what it was doing, she took his in hers.

* * *

><p><em>He was sat alone on a small bench by the pool. The light was reflecting on to his face, exposing the troubled look. She walked towards him, a styrofoam cup of coffee in her hand. It was normally him bringing it to her, but tonight, he was the one who needed it most. She sat down slowly, holding out her offering to him. "Here you go."<em>

_He took it from her hesitantly, eyeing her up and down. "Thanks."_

_They sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?"_

_Beckett was glad he was OK. She'd said it herself a few moments earlier but the question wouldn't leave her mind, plaguing her thoughts._

_"To punish me." She turned to look at him, trying to keep a straight face. "Make me pay for ruining his plan."_

_He turned his head, breaking eye contact, trying to keep in control of his guilt. "Now he's gonna kill again all because I couldn't stop him... And I feel so..." _

_She did the only thing she could to comfort him. To make sure that he knew that she was there for him. She had to look out for him this time. She thought for a moment before removing her hand from her lap and placing it on his knee, stroking his leg slowly with her thumb without really thinking._

_"I know the feeling."_

_"I know you do." He returned her simple gesture by covering her hand with his own and squeezing her fingers gently. Nothing more was said. They had each other, and right now, it was all they needed to stay strong._

* * *

><p>Alexis carried on with the story.<p>

"Gram rang him up while he was in the room and they spoke and at the end he said 'I love you', which he never says. So obviously, we knew something was wrong and rang you and you came to his rescue."

"My damsel in shining armour." He winked at her while giving her a sad smile.

"I know, I remember." She glanced down at their hands, his thumb absentmindedly stroking her skin. Castle sat up a little when he realized what had happened. She'd remembered as soon as they took each other's hands. Kate broke the tension after a few moments, as she always did.

"Wait, if I'm your damsel in shining armour, does that make you my knight in distress?"

He chuckled.

"Absolutely not. I'm your Prince Charming. You can't resist me and my..."

"Dad, finish that sentence and you'll scar me forever."

"Relax, Pumpkin, I was just gonna say my charms."

"Yeah, Castle, sure." She patted his hand and grimaced when the pain jolted from her arm to her chest.

"It's time we went. You should get some pain medication and your beauty sleep. Not that you need it of course."

"You still need to work on your charm, Castle. Could you tell the nurses to come in whe you've gone out? Could do with some morphine. Oh, and thanks for coming Alexis, I appreciate it, and all your help."

"No problem. I'm gonna get a coffee before we leave. Want some, Dad?"

"No, thanks. I'll be down in a minute." Alexis waved before leaving the room swiftly. Castle turned back to face her, reaching for her hand again, clasping it tightly.

"I'm so glad you're OK." Thinking of the Jerry brought back the painful memories, but with it the words that Kate had whispered in his ear at finding him alive.

She squeezed his hand back. "Me too."

* * *

><p>After Castle and Alexis left the hospital, a nurse came in to the room and gave her some morphine, forcing her to sleep, but it wasn't at all peaceful. Memories had come back in dreams before and they would in the future, but this time they weren't whole, just fragments of moments she'd lived weeks ago and they sent a chill down her spine.<p>

_"I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet. I never thought I'd freeze to death."_

_"I'm sorry... F-f-for being m-me."_

_"Thank you for being there."_

_"Stay with me."_

_"I wish I had someone who would be there for me, and I'd be there for him, and we could just dive in together."_

_"Always."_

_"Always."_

_"Always."_


	7. Is That A Hickey?

_This is the second of the three chapters that I'm posting today, so if you haven't read the 3XK chapters, go back one. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7 - Is That a Hickey?<span>

Kate had gained a little bit more movement over the past day. She was now able to sit up straight in bed, with the matress to lean back on, of course and she could cross her legs, which left a big space at the end of her bed. Of course, it wasn't empty for long. Castle had given himself the honour of filling the space with the excuse of 'keeping her bed warm.' Their current positions also made it easier to play board games, or more specifically, Monopoly.

"Suck it up, Castle. You owe me fifty dollars."

He grumbled for what must have been the millionth time. It was a good job it was only a game otherwise, she'd own his entire fortune from selling his books by now. He tossed his remaining forty bucks, and took a note pad out of his jacket and wrote something on it beore handing it to her.

"'I owe you $10.' You know, I'm going to keep hold of this and use it in the future when we're eating at Remy's. Free gift voucher, courtesy of Richard Castle."

"What's the point? I always pay, anyway. You owe me hundreds of dollars!" She looked up with a raised eyebrow, the take-that-back-right-now-or-I'll-kill-you look. He quickly took out his wallet and gave her a twenty. "Keep the change."

"Oooh, who's winning?"

Esposito and Ryan marched into the room, taking the two seats whilst peering at the board.

"Her. But she cheated."

"Wha- No I didn't. Take that back."

"She did. She tried to seduce me with her feminine wiles."

"Well it's better than your imaginary 'sexual prowess.'"

"Hey! _You _take _that _back."

"Seriously. If I wasn't in this bed right now recovering from a GSW, I'd totally kick your ass."

Castle unconsciously grabbed his nose and ears, protecting them from her vice grip.

"And don't I know it."

"Mom. Dad. Stop it. We don't like it when you fight."

They both turned to look at the Ryan and Esposito, who were simultaneously pouting excessively, whilst holding back laughter, until a light flashed in their eyes. Castle was holding up his iPhone, grinning.

"Time to tweet. 'Aren't Roach cute when they pout?' His finger hovered over the 'Tweet' button, looking up to find both Detectives rapidly approaching.

"OK, Castle. Now _we're _gonna kick your ass."

He took a step back, hitting the wall, his body jolting and his thumb touching the button he'd refrained from pressing. "Oops..."

They took a step closer before Kate once again called the shots. "Guys, sit down. He'll delete the post, won't you Castle?"

"Of course."

Kate waved her hand at him, signaling for him to lean close so she could whisper to him. "You're gonna send me a copy, right?"

"An electronic copy and an A3 printout for the Precinct, if you like."

He leant back to grin at her, which eventually faded as he realized just how close they were.

"Ahem. We wanted your help on a case. That's why we're here."

Castle stepped back, trying not to look flustered.

"Gee, guys. And there was me thinking you wanted to check up on me." She said it in a serious voice, but with a smile on her face to let them know she was joking. "Shoot." She grimaced. "Not my best choice of words, but continue."

"Ok, so we're at a scene and a guy had been strangled in his bedroom on his bed, presumably in his sleep. But what we can't figure out is how the murderer got in. The windows were locked so he didn't use the fire escape and the door hadn't been damaged, and the door man didn't report anyone going inside the building around the time of death."

They were silent for a few minutes, trying to solve the puzzle.

"Easy. The murderer was an alien working for the CIA, and was beamed into the room to kill the victim who found out about them. Quite obvious really."

The boys were all smiling and shaking their head. Beckett, however, felt strange.

"Huh. I just got deja vu. You need to differ your theories, Castle. They're getting old."

The boys just laughed. "Think we should tell her about the alien case? It was pretty creepy and very awesome."

She just rolled her eyes. "There's no such things as aliens, guys."

"OK, now I'm getting deja vu. It took me days to persuade you to believe in the possibility of aliens, and when I have you convinced, the feds take responsibility." Castle was looking pretty dejected whilst rubbing his neck.

"Feds? Sure, Castle. If that's what we're going with. We'll pretend that you and Beckett weren't necking in her car."

"We explained this. It was from the injectors, they weren't hickeys, Esposito. **I wish**."

* * *

><p><em>She opened her eyes slowly, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark. She could hear crickets make noise in the distance. Realizing where she was and who she was with, and most importantly leaning on, she sat hesitantly, only to meet Castle's confused gaze. It took her a few moments before she eventually turning away to look out of the windshield. <em>What the hell just happened?

_"You OK?" She heard his voice as her hand brished through her hair, keeping it away from her face. She was staring in disbelief at the wheel in front of her, trying to come up with some sensical explanation. One minute they were in the car, driving back to the Precinct before it broke down and they lost signal from their phones. Then she had a bright light being shone in her face and someone she could only guess was a government fed was questioning her. Not an everyday occurence for her to be frank._

_"Castle, did that really happen?" Her voice was barely a whisper, even though they were the only two there._

_He pulled the collar of his shirt away from his neck and turned to face out of the window to his right. He brushed his fingers against his skin, feeling for abnormalities. "Do I have a...?"_

_Beckett's jaw dropped open slightly. Oh God. What were the boys gonna think if they had his and hers marks on their necks?_

_"Oh, no..." Looking in the mirror, she brushed her hair away to reveal a similar purple mark. _Crap!

_"'Cos you gotta..." He stopped speaking when she gasped out loud and he leant forward to look at the sky above the car. Nothing. Odd. How were they going to explain this?_

_"Hmm... Abducted by government agents, huh? C'mon. What were you two really doing?" Beckett had surprised this little interrogation from Esposito hadn't come sooner. She looked at Castle with an inquisitive look before looking down. She knew exactly what he was implying._

_"It's not a hickey, Esposito."_

_"You both have one." The Hispanic detective didn't miss a beat._

_"I wish it was a hickey." _

_Castle's reponse shouldn't have surprised her but she couldn't help her head jerking up suddenly to give him a _very _questioning look, her eyesbrows raised. He was unfazed and continued immediately._

_"It's from the injectors."_

_"Is that was the kids are calling it these days?" Esposito was struggling to keep a straight face at this point. He believed their story, but what kind of friend would he be if he didn't take the piss first?_

_"They were men in black!" Castle was getting insistent now. He hadn't caught on to Esposito's joking._

_"Where are you with the vacuum packers?" Beckett was getting pretty annoyed now, not that it ever took much to get in that mood._

_"So far, I have found over 100 machines in the 5 boroughs. CSU's checking as fast as they can." He became distracted. He knew it was best not to get on Beckett's bad side. She was pretty scary._

_"And the cigarettes?"_

_"No DNA match, but they are a Chinese brand. Only found in Asia, or on the black market in Chinatown."_

_"So maybe she was killed by an alien, just... an illegal alien." Castle was sputing out the stupid theories again. To be expected._

_"Hey." Ryan had joined them by this point, his eyes homing in on their matching bruises. "Those hickeys?"_

_"Yes."_

_"No."_

_"__**I wish**__." _

_"OK..." Ryan sighed._

* * *

><p>"Castle. I can remember the car stopping and a bright light. Is that my imagination or...?"<p>

"No. It happened. We were abducted, not by aliens, but by government agents who questioned us about a piece of evidence. To sedate us, they used in injector in our necks which left a bright red hickey-like mark. And as you can guess, we got a lot of stick from it, particularly these two, who were adamant that we'd been making out." He pointed towards Esposito who was grinning.

"Something went down in that car. I'm sure of it. You can't have been working together for almost three years and not even _thought_ about it."

"OK. Enough, guys. Go home. I need to sleep." She fake yawned to convince them.

"See you tomorrow then." All three men stood to walk out, but Kate grabbed Castle's arm before he could go.

After the other two left she asked him an awkward question.

"Castle. This may sound weird, but did we make out in the car?"

He looked at her for a few seconds and took a breath in. "No. We did not make out in the car. See you tomorrow, Detective."

He was hiding something. She could tell. And if they didn't make out, why did she have a vague memory of his lips on hers?

* * *

><p>That was close. Castle could only imagine the kind of pain that would be inflicted upon him when she found out he kissed her. Not that she could say he was lying. He had simply said that they didn't make out <em>in the car<em>, which was perfectly true. He knew that if he was the one lying in a hospital bed with amnesia, it wouldn't take him long to remember. It wasn't the kind of kiss that could be forgotten all too easily.


	8. Scholarship and Always

_This is the third and final chapter I'm posting today, so make sure that you've read '3XK' and 'Is That A Hickey' before reading this one. I'll be back with two more chapters tomorrow. Enjoy, and thanks for all your amazing reviews!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8 - Scholarship and Always<span>

When Kate woke up after her dreamless sleep, she noticed a shape in the corner of her room. None other than her annoying shadow.

"What are you doing here so early?" She started to sit up to reach the bed controller on the table so she could adjust her sitting position.

"I have some paperwork to do and I figured here was as good a place as any. I get away from my daughter drooling over her boyfriend and my Mother making constant remarks on how I should be writing. It's nice and quiet in here and I get the added bonus of keeping an eye on my favourite Detective." He only looked up to face her at the last part of his talk, sporting a genuine smile.

"Thanks, Castle, but I don't need somone looking after me."

"You just got shot, Kate. I'm not going too far away until you're up on your feet, kicking ass. And even then, I'll be tagging along to make sure you're eating."

She was silently regarding his words. She had a fair portion of her memory back, and she could tell that things had shifted between them in the last year, and she liked it. He seemed more genuine in his words, less childish, athough he certainly had his moments and he gave her a more sincere look that he hadn't given her before. She could only identify it as utter adoration, and she found herself transfixed whenever he looked at her in that way.

She decided to change the subject before it got too serious.

"Have the doctors said anything about when I'll be able to go home?"

At that very moment, her doctor walked in with a clipboard and went straight to look at her vitals. He flipped through them for a few minutes, keeping a stoic face to prevent Kate knowing whether anything was wrong.

"Your notes show that you've shown massive improvement and you've been in here long enough. If you still have no problems in the next twenty-four hours, I'll be able to send you home at noon tomorrow. On several conditions, of course. First, no straining youself. My wife is just like you, independant, doesn't ask for too much help, but you've got to remember, Ms Beckett, that you've been shot, and no one expects to be back on your feet and in perfect health in a couple of days, so go easy on yourself. That means plenty of bed rest, drinking lots of water, eating healthy meals. I'm also only willing to discharge you if you have someone to stay with to take care of you for a few weeks, whether that means staying with a friend or having a friend stay with you. Just think about it. I'll be back in a few hours to make sure you have appropriate arrangements."

He left the room swiftly, and before she knew what was happening, Castle was on the phone.

"Who are you calling?"

He just held up his hand as the person on the other line answered. "Hey, Pumpkin, is your grandmother there?" He paused listening to the other person speak. "OK, put me on loudspeaker."

He was talking to Alexis and his Mother, though she still had no idea why.

"Would you guys be OK if Kate came to stay with us for a while? She needs somewhere to stay while she's healing."

"Castle, no. I couldn't do that to you. I can get Lanie to do it." He ignored her and held his hand up once more.

"Could you prepare the guestroom? Great. I'll pick up some food on my way home tonight. OK. See you later. Love you." He hung up and turned to Kate, preparing himself for a verbal lashing.

"Seriously, Castle, you didn't have to do that. I'll be fine on my own."

"No. You won't, and I want to do this for you and I owe you a lot with letting me follow you around and saving my life every other day. I have a spare bedroom and my place is plenty big enough. Plus, we could play laser tag when you can move around a little more. Get some training in there before you return to work. You know you want to."

She did want to. Very much so.

"But what about you mother and Alexis? They live there to."

"They're the ones who suggested it a few days ago. Alexis loves you, she looks up to you and she wouldn't mind helping you with all the things that, you know, you don't want me to do. Although if you need someone to rid you of your clothes, I'm your man. And my mother would love more female company around the loft. I'm her son, she can't have girly conversations with me and Alexis is from a different time."

"Girly conversations? You probably spend more time in the bathroom than your daughter and mother put together. You're so incredibly metrosexual, it's scary."

"Oh c'mon, Kate. We could brush each others hair and talk about cute guys." He seemed excited at the prospect of spending time with her and helping her heal. And she'd always had a weakness for that pleading look of his. So adorable.

"On one condition. You only help me when I ask for it, and you don't wait on me hand and foot. You have your own life, and more importantly a book to finish. What's this one called by the way. Something else I've forgotten."

"Heat Rises. It's got a few little refernces to some of our cases and experiences over the past year, so I could get an early copy to you to see if it refreshes your memory at all. Plus, I know how much you love my books."

There was no hiding it. Ever since she'd found the work copy of one of his earlier novels in her Mom's draw, she'd been addicted to the stories, and more importantly, the fact that the families of the victims always found closure. Something that she herself wanted. When she'd met the man himself, to say she was disappointed was an understatement, but now she valued him, and she could tell he cared for her and that their friendship was even stronger now than it was a year ago.

"That's sweet, Castle. Thank you." She looked down as she blushed, though there was no fooling Castle, but he didn't mention it. He found it incredibly cute when she blushed.

"Always."

* * *

><p><em>Climbing into the ambulance, she could still remember the look of Castle's face after beating the pulp out of the guy who'd tried to shoot her. She'd never seen him like that before, but she couldn't help but remind herself that he's done it for her.<em>

_"Hey there, Chuck Norris." She smiled at him as he looked down at his bandaged hand, grimacing at the pain whilst his usually groomed hair flopped on to his forehead._

_"How's the hand?" She reached out to take it and undo the bandage he'd been messing with._

_"Uh... Excruciating."_

_She gently wrapped the bandage around his hand, taking care not to cause him further pain than what he was already feeling._

_"How's Ryan and Esposito?" _

_"Mmm. Mild hypothermia. Wounded pride. Guess which one'll heal first?" She shot him a playful look which he returned. He'd missed it since her mother's case had been reopened. He was just pleased to see that she was starting to relax again. She smoothed over his hand with her thumbs and released it, sitting further back._

_"Thank you. For having my back in there." She was giving that appreciative look that she only spared for those real moments. He's rarely seen it himself, but he savoured the feeling it gave him every time._

_The corners of his mouth quirked up a little before responding._

_"__**Always**__."_

_She looked away with a small smirk still on her face._

* * *

><p>"Always..." She whispered to herself. It was their word, their way of expressing their loyalty to the other, and she remembered it. His head looked up from his paperwork after hearing her silent exclamation. Their eyes met. Again. They were partners, always.<p>

"So what are you working on, Castle?"

"Scholarship papers. I'll need your input in a few minutes. Need certain details and a date. You'll be OK by September, right?"

"I'm OK now." He looked up at her eyebrows raised. "OK, fine, September. And what scholarship are you talking about? Flashing your cash again?"

He contemplated his thoughts for a few seconds before gathering a piece of paper and sitting on the edge of the bed. She could tell straight away that he was about to get serious, which was rare when it came to Castle.

"On one of our cases, a millionaire was murdered after winning the lottery."

"Ouch." She grimaced. "Bad luck, or what?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I asked everyone what they'd do with a million bucks. Ryan said he'd buy a winery, Esposito would buy a ferrari and the Montgomery said he'd get a boat. You, however, wouldn't tell me what you wanted but I finally figured it out. My mothers boyfriend died and left money to her, so she started up an acting school in his memory. You, my dear Detective, would honour your mom's memory." He held out the paper to her, noticing her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "So I called a few people and before you hit me, I should tell you that you called me sweet for doing it, so be nice."

She looked down at the object in her hands. It was an invitation to a scholarship.

_You are invited to attend the_

_'Johanna Beckett Fundraiser'_

_To raise money for a scholarship awarded to give young lawyers the chance to be heard._

She couldn't help the tears that feel down her face at the thought of Castle arranging something like this for her mom. She looked towards her partner to see a worried look on his face after seeing her tears.

"Don't worry, Rick. They're happy tears. You're right, it's sweet. How can I show you how much it means to me?" He face visably relaxed, and he didn't even have to think about an answer.

"Come stay with me and let me be there for you, with no conditions. I plan to do everything for you, even if it means running out to the store at 3AM just to get a tub of Ben and Jerry's."

She moved over the bed to make space for him, even if it gave her shooting pains in her chest.

"Woah, Beckett. You'll hurt yourself."

"Sorry. I just wanted for you to sit with me so we can look over the paperwork."

"You only have to ask." He helped move her to be more comfortable and manouvered his way into the bed next to her, placing the paper on the table. They were chatting idly for a few minutes, discussing everything from music to colour schemes when he suddenly stopped.

"Wait. If you forgot that, does that mean you can't remember driving my ferrari?" He looked horrified. As soon as he had seen her enter the car, he'd been amazed at how amazingly sexy it made her look to be driving his million dollar sports car.

"You know, it really doesn't surprise me that you have a ferrari. But if I don't remember, you'll have to take it for another spin when I'm able to drive again."

"Only if I get a ride on your motorcycle."

"Deal."

"You do realise you just agreed to straddle a bike, in leather, whilst I hold on to you for no other reason than to cop a feel, right?"

Oh crap.

* * *

><p>The nightmares came again that night, but she couldn't hear anything. She was confronted with images of a white tent, which then morphed into something like snow, which was then replaced with a timer with red numbers, slowly counting down from 16 seconds.<p> 


	9. Natalie Rhodes

_This is one of my longer chapters as it never wanted to end. Enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9 - Natalie Rhodes<span>

She was being discharged. Finally.

None of her friends were coming to see her this morning. They had a pretty difficult case to solve, so they were going to arrive at Castle's loft at about seven-ish to have a get together with a few beers, and some orange juice for Kate. She was still on a fair amount on pain medication, and she didn't want to return to a hospital bed because she mixed alcohol and drugs. It was half past eleven and she was expecting Castle to arrive any minute with Alexis to pick her up and take her back to their place. It had been a while since she'd been to his place from her damaged recollection. She'd stayed at his when her apartment blew up, so she knew her way around which meant she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Plus, she had Alexis to watch movies with while Castle continued with the job he was actually paid for, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she was looking forward to spending time with her favorite mystery novelist. She'd missed a lot and now was the perfect opportunity to catch up on latest events.

She was interupted from her thoughts when a red head bobbed towards her to give her a hug, being careful not to squeeze too hard. She automatically put her arms around her, holding her just as lovingly.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No, Lex. This is nice. Not had many hugs since being shot so it's nice to finally get one."

She heard a voice by the door. Big Castle had arrived.

"I would've given you a hug if it was what you wanted." He playfully pouted. They weren't exactly the huggy type, even if they were pretty close friends.

"So you can feel me up, Castle? Another time maybe." She winked at him and he responded by sticking out his tongue.

"I just need to get some clothes on. Lanie brought me some sweatpants and a loose shirt but I'm gonna need help getting them on."

She walked into the bathroom, followed by Alexis who had offered to help eagerly. Alexis was followed by Castle, who almost got a broken nose from the door rapidly closing in his face. With the teenager's help, Kate managed to get changed as Alexis spoke to her.

"Can I ask you something, Kate?"

She wasn't used to giving advice, but she loved Alexis too much to refuse.

"Sure. Anything you like, Lex."

"It's about staying at the loft." She was being secretive about her intentions, and naturally, Kate jumped to conclusions.

"If you don't want me there, just say, I'll be OK on my own-"

"Oh, no, it's not that. I'm happy you agreed. It'll be nice to have somene other than Dad and Grams to talk to for once. What I wanted to say was that I know something went down between you two before the funeral, and I don't know what it is and it's none of my business. I only know that you had an arguement, and it was a big one. He doesn't know that I know this, but he was throwing things around when he came home. He was distraught. There was broken glass on the floor and a big dent in the cover art for 'Heat Rises'. I don't blame you, I know you have a hard job and he can be incredibly annoying but when we were in that waiting room, he wouldn't leave. We had to bring him food, and even then he wouldn't eat it. We brought him a cup of coffee from his favorite place, and he almost broke down when we gave it to him. We were sat there with the possiblity of losing you and I could tell that if you didn't come back, my Dad would be gone too. He doesn't follow you around for research, we all know it. Nevermind, I've said too much. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have unloaded on you. I-"

"Hey, hey, it's OK. I don't know what happened before I got shot, but I know that I care about him. More than I should care about someone I work with and I'll do everything I can to make sure that you don't have to see him like that again, or worse even. OK?" Alexis nodded smiling a little. "C'mon, we should go out before he knocks the door down asking what we were talking about, if he hasn't eavesdropped already."

"That's my Dad. And thanks, Kate."

"No problem, Lex, now lets get out of here before I go crazy."

They stepped out into the room where Castle was sat on the bed on his iPhone, tapping the screen furiously.

"C'mon, Castle, you need to sign the papers seeing as I'll be staying with you."

He stood up, slipping his phone into his pocket and helped Beckett into the wheelchair. "Don't even try to argue about walking. If you refuse to use the chair, I'll just carry you instead."

She smiled at him and rolled her eyes. They signed the necessary paperwork and left the hospital via the front entrance to Castle's car. He helped her stand up while Alexis folded the wheelchair and put it in the trunk of the car. Before helping her into the passenger seat, Castle wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I'm getting that hug now and you're not stopping me."

She laughed quietly and put arms around him cautiously and tucked her face into his neck.

"I heard what you said in the bathroom." She pulled back for a second, angry at him for listening to them. He simply pulled her back to him. "I didn't eavesdrop intentionally. I wouldn't. The walls were just thin, OK?" He sighed before continuing. "I just wanted you to know that I care for you more than I should, too. I don't know what I'd have done if..."

"Shh, Castle. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Thank you for helping me through this. I couldn't have got this far without you." She kissed his cheek before hobbling to the car. He stood there for a few seconds, stroking the place where her lips had been and quickly hurried to help her get into her seat.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at the apartment building, Castle once again helped her into the wheelchair, and she once again grumbled about it. When they were in the elevator, Castle spoke again. He'd been silent during the car ride whilst his daughter and Kate talked as though they were old friends.<p>

"I've got a surprise for you, KB."

They exited the elevator and started to walk towards his front door.

"I doubt it, Castle. Nothing you do surprises me anymore."

He opened the door and smiled at her before wheeling her in to a chorus of "SURPRISE!"

"You were saying, Detective?"

"OK, Castle, so you still have the element of mystery." She grinned at him before tunring to see Martha, Jim, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito and even Jenny stood around with drinks, all with beaming smiles on their faces. Hung across the wall was a banner reading '_Welcome 'Home' Kate!' _She noticed it was written 'Home' and couldn't help but laugh a little. All the furniture had been rearranged so it made a circle with a table in the middle so they could all sit and talk. Considering she couldn't drink alcohol and could barely stand unassisted, it obviously wasn't going to be a standard party. There were bouquets of flowers all around the room, each with their own individual note and scent. There were even a few gifts on the table in the middle, wrapped neatly or in small gift bags.

"I know you don't like fuss and that you're probably going to school me for it later, but I thought it'd be nice for you to be around all your family again after being cooped up in a hospital after almost dying. You might say you don't need a party, but maybe some of us do." Castle whispered into her ear. "OK?"

"I'll be good on one condition."

"Name it."

"I get to open my presents first."

He automatically stood up and wheeled her over to the seating area and helped her to sit on the sofa and got her a drink of OJ. Everyone else followed and eventually they were all laughing at Jenny's embarassing stories about Ryan.

Lanie interupted the laughter. "So, we all decided we'd get you a gift. Nothing special, just something to help you along with your recovery, and maybe the odd gag gift in there as well. But, you have to guess who it's from."

Kate reached for the first gift, a small bag with a gift card that read _'Effective against annoying writers'. _

_"_Oh! I like the sound of this one." She opened it to find a can of police issue pepper spray. Castle immediately covered his eyes.

"Don't hurt me. I can't live without my eyesight." He grimaced as Beckett motioned for him to come closer to her. When her mouth was right next to his ear and teased him.

"Don't worry, Castle. I could always just cuff you to the bed and leave you there. You don't mind, do you?"

He moved so it was now his mouth next to her ear. "Trust me, Beckett. You don't have to leave me. You could just torture me a little."

"Ok. Stop talking. You two whisper very loudly." The turned to find a disgusted Alexis who was covering her ears with her hands so she couldn't hear their interraction. When Kate looked at Jim, she realised that he wasn't too pleased with what he'd just heard either. She just blushed and moved the topic along.

"I'm gonna guess that this is from Esposito. It's police issue, so it's got to be from either him or Ryan."

"You guess correctly. And if you need it, I could get you a taser for him too." She turned to looked at Castle, who was once again, horrified.

"You know, that would be great. But after last time, we, along with the FBI, learned that it's best not to leave him alone with a taser."

"How could I forget? Definitely a story for the grandkids. I think Jordan Shaw loved it really." Castle started to daydream.

"Yeah. Who couldn't love a guy who gave them mounds of paperwork because he can't control his urges to touch things."

"You know, Detective, I-"

"Don't. Finish. That. Sentence." He looked swiftly at Alexis and Jim again.

"Yeah. Better not. Open your next present."

She opened several more presents. She got a whole bunch of bath stuff from Lanie, with earplugs to block out Castle's moaning. From Alexis, she got several books, mostly crime novels, for her to read during her stay, as well as a promise that she could use her mini-library upstairs. From Jenny, she got several gift boxes full of chocolate and cookies and several recipes for a variety of healthy meals. Ryan, ever the joker, got an XL Maids outfit, hoping it would fit Castle. Unfortunately for Kate, he loved the idea.

"Should I go and try it on, model for you all?"

"Dad, please. Put that thing on, and I'm taking a picture and sending it to the press."

"Save it for Halloween, Castle. Would scare all the kids." Kate teased him as he feigned hurt.

There was a large bouquet of flowers on the table, much larger than any of the others. Reading the gift card, Kate became confused.

_It's been a while, but I heard what happened. Hope you get better soon, I might need more tips on Nikki Heat! Love Natalie x_

She glared at it for a few minutes. She didn't know any Natalie. Not since grade school, and that Natalie hadn't liked her all too much. "Do I know a Natalie? I can't think of anyone."

"They're from Natalie. That's nice of h-" Ryan stopped talking at the glare from Jenny. She'd ask why later.

"From Natalie Rhodes, the actress. She's playing you in _Heat Wave. _She came to the Precinct and helped on a case to get into the head of Nikki Heat. You invited her, but in the end, you couldn't wait for her to leave. They were definitely the weirdest few days in my life so far." Esposito explained.

"I completely agree, though I must say, it was hilarious seeing you in a temper tantrum because she took your coffee."

"Hey! I don't have temper tantrums. I'm 32, not 6."

Jim cut in before she could go any further. "One, Katie, you are 33. And two, I have home videos that prove that you have had your fair share of temper tantrums. Don't make me use them."

She went wide-eyed before replying. "If _any _home videos or photos end up in the hands of a certain mystery writer, I'll tell a few tales of my own."

He chuckled, obviously unfazed. "It's a shame that I don't care. I'm old enough that I don't get all that embarassed anymore, but I'll be glad to see if your storytelling skills have improved from being around Rick. For a cop, you're not very good at blackmail."

"Believe me, she's good. That's when there's any need for me to be blackmailed. I've gotten to that point where I know not to speak about certain events ever again, or I get my ass royally kicked." Castle turned, his face completely serious. Jim should've known Rick would know things about his daughter that no one else would.

"And don't you forget it. Tell me more about Natalie."

"She was nice for the first day, she helped us get a good lead in the case, then all of a sudden she steps of the elevator and her hair is brown, wavy and she's dressed in the kind of thing you'd wear. Then she started talking like you, ordering officers around and taking your coffee. No wonder Castle started to like her more. He had two Becketts. It was creepy." Ryan explained the main parts of the case.

"Sexy."

Kate turned to look at Castle, eyebrows raised. He was unaware that he'd said his last comment out loud.

"Not the only thing she stole though, was it Kev?"

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other and sniggered like a pair of kindergarteners. Meanwhile, Castle's face was just as confused as Kate's.

"What else did she steal?" Castle voiced his question.

"You, bro. Don't think we didn't see you and Natalie getting steamy in the elevator."

"Dude, you saw that?"

Kate was even more confused now than before.

"Saw what?"

"Castle kissed Natalie."

"_She _kissed _me."_ Castle's arms were flailing widely, trying to make his point.

"You didn't exactly stop her. Don't blame you though." Eposito's comments earned him a slap from Lanie, which was returned with a quiet, "Sorry."

"She invited me back to her place afterwards and do you know what I said?"

* * *

><p><em>"Can I ask you a question?"<em>

_Beckett was getting kind of annoyed by Natalie Rhodes at this point. She'd enjoyed her presence at first. It annoyed Castle that she didn't know who he was. But then she'd turned up the next day and equipped herself with a brunette wig and a black leather jacket. Just like her. Then she'd stolen her coffee and kissed Castle in the elevator. Castle wasn't hers, but it didn't mean Natalie could have him. Right?_

_"Sure." She sipped on her coffee, tilting her head back._

_"Is Castle gay?" THAT, she was not expecting. Coffee was spat all over her desk. Castle? Gay? Where the hell did that come from?_

_"I'm sorry. What? No. No." Beckett couldn't help but wonder where this had come from. Castle was a womaniser. He was NOT gay._

_"Then... You two are an item and sworn to secrecy, right?"_

_"No. We are not an item." She was getting used to telling people they weren't together. She was like a broken record. Thing was, this time she felt something after saying those words. The first thing that came to her mind was disappointment. But she had Josh. Her boyfriend. Why would she feel like that? "Why?"_

_Natalie sighed. "Last night, I invited him back to my place. And he says something to me that I've never heard from a man before."_

_"What?" Beckett was a little worried by her seriousness. Although she couldn't tell if she was acting. She was good at that._

_"No."_

_"No?"_

_Was she hearing right? Castle had turned down the gorgeous actress, Natalie Rhodes? After years of sleeping with various women, she wasn't expecting that bombshell. No?_

_"I don't get it. He's into you. But you're determined not to give into these feelings you clearly have for him. So he fantasizes about you through his writing. It's literally verbal masturbation." She _was _serious. She'd been confronted about her 'feelings' before, but no one had ever quite put it like that before._

_"Uh... Wait, what? OK. What does this all have to do with me?" First she was talking about 'gay' Castle and then she's talking about her and Castle as a couple._

_"I am not wearing this get-up for my health. You're Nikki Heat. He's Jameson Rook. I need to sleep with him in the name of character research. Could you talk to him?"_

_She was asking for permission. This just got creepier. And she hadn't thought that was possible._

_"And say what?"_

_"I dunno. Give him permission or something." She was actually asking for her blessing? Was this woman crazy? On drugs?_

_"Uh... I... I..." She was stuck for words. Speechless. Only Castle ever got her speechless with his crazy stunts and theories. "I need to go. Over there."_

_She followed the direction where her fingers were pointing without looking back, taking her coffee with her._

* * *

><p>A chorus of Yes's flew across to room with him. All of them logically thinking that no man in their right mind would turn down Natalie Rhodes.<p>

"He said no."

Everyone's attention flew to Kate, who was rubbing her temples with her fingers. They were all silent, knowing that she was remembering something.

"I think... I think Natalie spoke to me about it the day after. She was shocked that you said no." She stopped talking and started to chuckle, which eventually turned to full blown giggles.

"What?" Castle chuckled nervously.

After a few more seconds of laughing, Kate managed to get out a few words. "She asked me if you were gay!" She laughed again, but this time she wasn't on her own, joined by everyone except the man himself.

"Don't worry, Castle. I told her you weren't. You definitely aren't." Her certainty raised several eyebrows around the room, mainly Lanie's. "I think I almost choked on my coffee when she asked me. The conversation afterwards was even funnier. She asked persmission to sleep with you for research and then to described your books and our relationship, she used the phrase... Alexis, Dad, cover your ears." They did so.

Just be sure, she whispered the next few words into his ear quietly to avoid them hearing accidentally.

"... Verbal Masturbation."

She then realized that she probably shouldn't have said those words whilst he was drinking from a glass of water, as the liquid ended all down his front as he spat it out.

"_Seriously?"_

She nodded.

"Oh my God, is that how everyone sees it?" By this point everyone in the room was confused as they hadn't heard what Beckett had said, but judging by his incredibly red cheeks, it was extremely embarassing for him, and very hilarious. "I'm never going to be able to look her straight in the eye ever again. Or you. No more writing sex scenes about Nikki and Rook."

"Stop writing those, Castle, and I'll beat you." Lanie was obviously opposed to his idea, and secretly, so was Kate.

What was happening to her? She'd woken up after being shot, lost any memories from the past 12 months, before which she had feelings for Castle, but hated him all the same. And now the anger had gone and she wanted to do _very _dirty things to him, but what scared her he most was that she was noticing every little thing about him. The way the corner of his eyes crinkled when he gave a huge smile, the adorable looks he gave to Alexis, mesmerised by his daughter and the way their dynamic had changed. And she liked it. She liked him.


	10. One Foot Out The Door

_Josh is back everybody. It may have taken a while for him to turn up, but worry not. He'll be gone much quicker. Can you tell I hate him?_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle of any of the characters._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 - Foot out the Door<strong>

After Kate's revelation about Natalie Rhodes, Martha was kind enough to tell even more embarassing tales about a younger Richard Castle. Luckily for him, no baby photos appeared as Lanie's request was interupted by a knock on the door. Alexis jumped to her feet, leaving the adults to laugh amongst themselves. Looking through the peephole, she saw a man she didn't recognize. He had a handsome face and messy, dark hair. He was wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket. He must have got the wrong apartment. She opened the door and his head immediately jumped up to look at her, confused at seeing a teenage girl.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Josh Davison, I'm looking for Kate. Someone at the hospital said she'd be here."

"Sure, I'll just be a second. Let me get my dad." She closed the door so it was open by a fraction and turned to find everyone looking at her, waiting to find out who had arrived. She looked at Castle, who saw the worried look in her eye and got up and walked over to her.

"Everything OK, Pumpkin? Who's at the door?"

Alexis looked at everyone sat at the table, puzzled by her sudden absence of her permanent smile. She looked back at her Dad and mouthed the word _Josh._ Castle looked back around and gave Lanie a thumbs down. They'd agreed to talk to Josh before letting him see Kate. Now was time to speak to him in a 'polite' manner. Everyone could only guess what was going on. Alexis went to sit back down gingerly and sat next to Kate and hugged her lightly.

"What's wrong, Lex?"

Alexis sighed.

"Josh is here to see you."

"Josh is my boyfriend, right?" Kate had remembered many things about him. He was a cardiac surgeon, they had met when Castle had disappeared to the Hamptons with Gina. They had some fun times together. She didn't know whether she was missing some memories or if Josh wasn't around much. She guessed the latter. He was a surgeon, he was obviously going to spend a lot of time in the OR and she could remember something about 'Doctors Without Borders'.

"I uh... Lanie came over a a few nights ago, when my Dad finally left the hospital. They spoke for an hour about helping you after you leave, but they also spoke about Josh. They agreed that when he turned up, they'd have a chat, but from what I heard, it sounded like it wasn't going to be a polite one either. I've seen my Dad angry before, but not like this. He was furious and Lanie wasn't any better. They said that as your best friend and your partner, they'd make sure Josh knew where he stood and if we leave them out there for much longer, I don't think the doctor will be standing for much longer."

Alexis was slow with her explanation, still with her head on Kate's shoulder. She failed to mention overhearing the part about her father's confession of love.

"I didn't mean to listen in, but they were getting louder and my iPod can only go up so high."

Kate gave a small smile. "You Castle's are a magnet for misintentional eavesdropping."

Alexis was puzzled, but didn't press any further. She knew her father was a nosy person, even if he had a kind heart. They were all alerted by a heavy thud on the door, causing Ryan and Esposito to get up and inspect it.

* * *

><p>Lanie and Castle stepped outside the apartment to face the doctor. It was boyfriend vs. best friend and devoted partner. Josh looked startled as though he had just been ambushed, which wasn't far from what was actually happening.<p>

"Where's Kate? Is she OK?"

"She's fine. My girl is doing real good, but you'd know that if you came to see her."

He started to defend himself. "I couldn't get a flight back so I decided to wait until the programme was over and come home as scheduled. It was only a week."

"Yeah and it took her a second to get shot, for the bullet to miss her heart by a few millimetres and guess who had to watch her bleed out on to the grass because you weren't there." Castle wasn't normally an angry person, and was more inclined to take the polite and quiet talk route, but this man ignited a fire of rage inside him It didn't help that he had to stand by and watch him take Kate home at night, the woman he loved. He stood back as he left her to deal with her mother's murder and every time, he had to let her cry on his shoulder. Not that he minded, he'd do anything for her.

"There's something you should know though. She woke up and her last memory was of last year. 12 months ago. She can't remember much about you which meant that we had to explain why her boyfriend wasn't there to hold her hand, even if she had no recollection of him. We had to explain why he wouldn't be coming home for another few days and why he couldn't have the decency to call her. Eventually she started to remember things about you, about how you were in a foreign country healing people, when she needed fixing too."

Josh was pretty taken aback by Lanie's outburst. He'd met her before and Kate had told them about their escapades when they were younger and wilder, but he hadn't realized just how much of a wildcat Lanie could be and she wasn't going to let him go without a fight.

Castle hadn't calmed down by any means, but his voice had gone quiter, stern as he faced Josh.

"We can't stop you seeing her if that's what she wants, but you should know that she needs someone who won't leave her when things get tough, when she gets shot or locked in a freezer. She's in need of someone to love her, not someone who goes bouncing off to other countries to show off his skills with his scalpel."

Woops. That hit a nerve.

Before Lanie and Castle saw it coming, Josh had Castle pinned up against the door, grasping his shirt tightly. The doctor was lightly taller than the writer was probably a little stronger seeing as he wasn't lacking in muscle, but Castle had the determination of a man hopelessly in love.

"And that's you, is it? Someone who loves her?"

Castle was no longer pressed against the door and advanced slightly towards Josh. They hadn't realised the apartment was now open and all the people inside could see exactly what they were talking about, Ryan and Esposito ready to break it up if needed.

"I'll be exactly who she needs me to be, whenever she wants it, always."

Their staring contest was broken by a frail voice. Kate was stood up, supported by Alexis and Jim, reeling over Castle's words.

"What the hell?"

"Katie, are you OK?" Josh pushed past Castle and ran over to her and hugged her tightly. Too tight.

"Ahh, Josh, that hurts. Shot, remember? And don't call me Katie. Only he calls me Katie." She pointed to her Dad whilst clutching her ribs. "I think we need to talk."

"You can use my bedroom for some privacy, if you want. It's only downstairs, so it's no trouble for you." He took her arm and lead her to the room and placed her gently on the bed so she was resting against the headboard.

He bent down and whispered to her, "Just shout if you need me, OK?"

She simply smiled, squeezed his arm and nodded. She watched him leave the room. She'd only seen the end of the arguement, but she had no doubt that it was Castle who ended up shoved against the door. She knew full well that Castle could easily provoke people, but when he did, it was for a good reason and his reason today had been to protect her, which was something he did often. She'd also heard his words. If he wasn't in the midst of a 'heated discussion' with her boyfriend, she would've thanked him and let him know he was appreciated, very much so. Once the door had closed, she felt the bed dip. She turned her head to see Josh sat at the foot of the bed on the other side from her.

"Do you remember me?"

She nodded slowly and he smiled.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner, but I love you Kate."

She looked down at her hand crossed in her lap. "No. You don't love me. If you loved me you would have been at the hospital as soon as possible. Hell, you wouldn't have gone in the first place, but come to the funeral with me instead. I needed you so many times, instead of crying on your shoulder, I was having my life saved by Castle. I can't remember the shooting, but I've heard numerous times that he tried to take the bullet for me, but he was too slow."

He sighed. "I would have jumped infront of you as well, babe."

"Would you? Would you really?"

She looked him in the eyes but he looked away. "I don't know. I would've saved you."

"Yeah, well. I don't need saving anymore, Josh. I need someone who I can be with without feeling the need to keep one foot..."

* * *

><p><em>He'd upset her. They were in quarantine after being exposed to radiation and he'd been making it worse by talking about it over and over. She was sat on the bench, her head resting in her hands, as he made his way over to her and sat on the bench oppposite.<em>

_"I'm sorry. I'm a writer, I go to worse case scenario."_

_"Can we just talk about something else?"_

_"Yeah." She sighed loudly and he started to fish. "How's Josh?"_

_She opened her eyes wide in annoyance for a second before talking again. "He's fine. He's on his was to Haiti to do another 'Doctors Without Borders' mission." She was visably disappointed._

_"How long?"_

_"I dont't know." She shrugged, looking deflated. He looked at her for a moment before she continued. She didn't know wy she was going to say what she was about to, but she needed to get it off her chest. "It's so funny, Castle, you know at first I loved that he was so busy, it's just... It gave me the opportunity to keep one foot out the door, just in case."_

_"But with one foot out the door... It's hard to know where you stand." He sounded like he had some kind of experience in the matter, but she carried on talking._

_"And even if i did, what does it mean? He's out there, he's saving people, and I can't even compete with that." She bowed her head again, her voice getting shaky as she spoke._

_"You can't. No. No one can."_

_"That's one of the things that attracted me to him the most. And that... passion, that... drive." She was fiddling with her gloves, looking at the floor still. "Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy?"_

_He gave a quick smile, knowing exactly how she felt._

_"I just wish that... I wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him, and we could just dive in to it together."_

_"I-" He didn't get the chance to speak before the zip to the HAZMAT tent was opened._

_"You're free to go."_

_"Uhh... We are?" Was it just her, or did he sound a little disappointed._

_"What about the radiation." Beckett clicked back into the cop mode immediately. She'd been doing it easily for years._

_"We found residual amounts of Cobalt 60 in the storage unit. Not enough to cause any health problems."_

_Beckett just smiled, stood up, and walking towards the door, leaving Castle shocked on the bench._

* * *

><p>"...Out of the door."<p>

Wow. That memory had been interesting. She'd opened her heart about her boyfriend to her partner when they though they were going to die from radiation posioning it seemed. She'd ask about that later.

"I don't need you, Josh. I don't want you."

"What? But you lost your memory, you just don't remember all the fun times between us. Give us more time, babe."

"Don't call me babe. I'm not your girlfriend. Not anymore."

"Please, Katie, we can work it out." He was pleading, begging her to stay with him and he was getting louder by the second.

She shouted for Castle as loud as she could. He musn't have been far as it only took him two or three seconds to come through the door and order Josh to get out. He put his hand on his shoulder to steer him out of the room the doctor moved away from him. "Don't touch me," he spat. "I'll get you arrested for assault."

"It'll be a hard job finding a cop who gives a rats ass about it, bro. Castle's one us now and we stick by our own." Esposito and Ryan had come through the door and started to steer Josh out of the apartment. She heard the door to the apartment close. It was a few minutes before Castle returned.

"Everyone's gone to give you a bit of time to rest. Said they'll be back tomorrow. You can stay in here for tonight. I'll sleep in the guest bedroom so you don't have to go upstairs and you won't have to go far for the bathroom."

She looked at him and nodded. He could see a faint line down her cheek where a tear had fallen. He reached out a wiped her cheek dry. He stood up to leave but she began talking.

"Castle. When you said that we almost died three times in two days... Will you tell me about it. I think I can remember something."

He sighed and came to sit next to her on the bed. She had moved so she was lying down, so he copied her actions. "I'm only going to tell you more about what you remembered. If there's a still a chance that you don't remember the other two times, I want you to take it. I was so scared those two days and I don't want you to have to live with the memories like I do. They give me nightmares, and every time we aren't so lucky." He voice had reduced to a whisper as he looked up at the ceiling with his eyes closed.

"When I was talking to Josh a memory returned to me. We were talking about him, but we were sat an two white benches in a white room which looked like a HAZMAT tent and a guy came in a told us we were fine."

He rolled over on to his side so he could look at her more directly. "That was the first time. It wasn't at all the worst one. The second was worst, and the third still runs through my mind from time to time. We joked about it afterwards, but nothing about it is funny when I think back." He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face. "We went to a storage locker belonging to a victim to see what was in it. When we got there, there was a singular crate at the back if the room on it's own. When you opened it there were timers and explosives. All the makings of a bomb. Worse, a dirty bomb. You radiation detector started going off and hit the MAX level. I had no idea what was going on but you grabbed by arm, shut the locker and ran with me and called someone. We were quarantined in minutes. Lucky for us, it was just trace amounts of Cobalt."

"Did they find a bomb?"

He swallowed audibly. "Yeah, we did. But that's a story for another time." He looked over at her and watched as her eyelids started to droop until they closed completely. He gave a small smile, kissed her forehead and stood up to leave until her hand grabbed his shirt. He heard a whisper that sounded like "Stay."

And he did.


	11. Countdown

_That's right! It's freezer time which means plenty of emotions and devastating flashbacks. (DUN DUN DUN.) It also means that the story will get a bit lighter for a chapter or two before the Gina/Demming issues arrive and the long awaited 'I love you.' Can't wait._

_Please keep the reviews coming! They mean so much to me and I'm kinda greedy when it comes to them. Enjoy this chapter._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11 - Freezer and the Bomb<span>

Kate woke up in the middle of the night. She'd had an irregular sleeping pattern for a long time before getting shot, but being drugged up on medication didn't help matters. She opened her eyes to find a peacefully sleeping Castle sleeping quietly, his head half hidden by the pillow. She was now under the comforter while he was on the top. Turning over slowly to avoid pain, she was now looking at the alarm clock which read 00:00 in bright red numbers.

* * *

><p><em>"Dispatch, we found the bomb on 55th and 11th."<em>

_**"Copy. Bomb squad is en route, ETA 3 minutes**_**."**

_"Dispatch, that's about 2 minutes too late."_

_Beckett was stood at the rear of a white van, doors flung wide to reveal a dirty bomb with only a minute a half left to go and they had no knowledge of diffusing it. Castle turned round to look at her, his face a picture of devastation._

_**"Stand by."**_

_That meant sorry, you're screwed._

_One option left, call Fallon._

_**"Fallon."**_

_"Fallon, do you have any idea how to diffuse a bomb?"_

_"One minute." Castle was staring intently at the timer, decreasing too fast for their liking._

_**"Where are you?"**_

_"We're at 55th and 11th."_

_**"No, I'd have to see it. Can you send me a picture?"**_

_"Yeah, yeah, hold on."_

_Beckett took out her phone, and held it towards the rear of the van and sent it to Fallon's phone. Fingers crossed._

_"It's uploading right now."_

_"Forty-five seconds." Castle couldn't keep still. He was visably nervous and who could blame him. She was surprised that she wasn't shaking._

_"You got it?"_

_**"Yeah, it opening... It's opening now."**_

_She waiting a few seconds and there was still no answer from him. NOW, she was panicking._

_"Fallon?" She couldn't help her voice shaking with fear._

_**"Hang on!"**_

_"Thirty seconds!"_

_"Fallon!" She was shouting now, voice still shaking._

_**"I can't see anything!"**_

_Crap. She'd heard better things in her life._

_**"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."**_

_16 seconds left. She couldn't speak. The end was here way sooner than she wanted it to be. She had so much to do like finding her mother's murderer, getting married, having kids._

_She turned to her partner, mouth open in shock and his face was just as bad._

_"Castle..." She whispered. She had so much to say but only his name would leave her mouth in breathy exclamation._

_Their hands met and clung together, as though they could hold on to life._

_She released a breath from her lungs, and almost smiled at him. She was about to die, but at least she wasn't alone._

_She was with the man she l-_

_The timer stopped. She turned to see Castle with a wad of wires in his hand. The smartass had pulled them and diffused the bomb._

_"Oh... Castle!" She turned and hugged him for dear life. Closed her eyes shut and squeezed tightly. Looking towards the bomb, the timer had rested on 00:00 in bright red numbers._

_That was close._

* * *

><p>Her breathing was heavy and she was shaking. She regretted it as soon as she heard Castle stir beside her. His eyes fluttered open, saw her and his heart broke. She must have had a nightmare.<p>

"Hey, hey. Shhh. It's OK, Kate."

He got under the comforter and rolled her over gently so she was nestled against his side, her arm automatically wrapping itself around his waist. She wasn't crying, but he wasn't a fool in thinking she was fine.

"You in pain?"

She shook her head.

"Nightmare?"

She shook her head again.

"Then what is it? You can tell me."

He put his arms around her shoulders and rested his head on hers, waiting for her to speak. Her breathing had returned to almost normal.

"I... I think I can remember one of the times we almost died." She could feel him tense immediately beneath her.

"Pretty scary, right? So glad we didn't die."

"Can't believe you diffused a bomb." He tensed again, more this time.

"That isn't the one that _I _have nightmares about."

She lifted her head to look at him. "What could be worse than being blown up?"

He severed eye contact and took a shaky breath.

"Freezing to death." He didn't stop talking to listen to her input. He wanted to get this over with. Like ripping off a bandaid. "I got us kicked off the case and we went rogue. We figured out that Jamal, the victims cousin, was a red herring and we went to find the guy who did it. We found the bomb, but we were shot at before we could call it in and our only escape was to go through a door into one of the containers, which was stupid of us, because the door closed and locked and we were in a storage freezer with Jamal's body frozen solid at the back. We had no phone signal and no way of getting out or turning down the temperature. We huddled together to keep warmer, but it didn't work. You passed out and I thought you'd died in my arms. Next thing I remember is sitting in an ambulance, a blanket wrapped around me, looking up at the doctor."

He decided it was better not to mention that the doctor had been Josh.

"Ryan and Esposito had found us after Alexis couldn't get hold of us. Of course, their first suspicion was that we were rolling about in bed somewhere." He tried to joke to lift the mood a little. It worked a little as Kate chuckled and smiled a little.

"If only they could see us now."

They were silent for a few minutes and Kate thought Castle had fallen asleep until he began to whisper.

"I came home and bought so many blankets and stored them. I know it's unlikely that I'll ever need them, but whenever I shiver, I remember the freezer and I automatically reach for a blanket and curl up in it. It's kind of like my safe place now. You're welcome to share it if you ever feel cold here. I have a big fire in the front room as well. Alexis and my mother are used to me turning it on in the middle of the night at the slightest shiver. I just can't go back there. There was no pain while we were in there, we were just numb, but in that case, being numb was so much worse, thinking you'll never feel again. That I'll never be able to hug my daughter, high-five the guys at the Precinct and I'd never get the chance to make you roll your eyes at me again." He looked down at her to meet her gaze. "What? It's cute. Just promise me that if you want to talk about it, you'll come to me. Even if it's just to share a coffee in silence. I know you're not exactly the hug type."

"Not really. Only with my dad and Alexis, but I don't get the choice when it comes to her. She bombardes me, but I like it. Reminds me that someone cares."

Her eyes were drooping shut ever so slowly.

"We all care, Kate. Besides, you may not be a hugger, but I'm guessing you're a closet cuddler?"

But Kate didn't hear him. She was already asleep.

And she was about to find out what Castle meant by nightmare.

* * *

><p><em>"Can't feel anything" Beckett was trapped in a industrial sized freezer, sat on the floor with her back to Castle, his arm wrapped around her to share the little warmth they had left. They'd been there for a good while and they were shivering uncontrollably. "I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet." She paused again. Her silence filled with Castle's labored breathing behind her. "I never thought I'd freeze to death."<em>

_"Hey. W-We're not dead yet." He, too, had little faith but he had to hope. He was speaking in a whisper, close to her ear where she could hear him and feel his breath in her hair._

_"I just wish this was one of your books and you could re-write the ending." She regretted it as soon as the words left her mouth. It sounded as though she was implying that it was his fault that they were trapped. And that most certainly wasn't the case at all._

_"I-I'm-I'm sorry."_

_"For what?"_

_"F-f-for being m-me." She sighed whilst listening to him speak. "For going rogue, for getting you into... into this. If we hadn't gone on our own, we..."_

_"Shhhh... Castle. No. OK... Shh.." She took a deep breath. "You were right. We found the bomb. We were just too late, OK?" She couldn't face it anymore. Letting out another shiver, she slowly turned into his body so her head was leaning on the front of his shoulder, still tightly encased by his weakening arms. He rested his cheek on her forehead, comforting not just her, but himself._

_"Castle..." She was quieter now, and she was struggling to stay conscious. But she had to tell him before she slipped. She reached her fingers up to touch his chin lightly, whilst he looked down at her. "Thank you. For being there." Her hands dropped to a loose hold on the lapel of his icy jacket._

_"Always." He had a slight smile on his face, even if it wasn't the right time to be particularly happy._

_Gathering the rest of her strength she managed to form part of a sentence._

_"I just want you to know how much I l-..._

_"Kate... Stay with-"_

_Black._

* * *

><p>She woke again. It was still night, and she couldn't prevent the shiver. She turned into Castle even more to steal his warmth. She pulled the comforter up to her chin and settled into his arms for the night.<p> 


	12. Temptation Lane

_Woke up this morning to find a whole load of reviews from __**LittleLizzieZentara**__ which made me very happy. Thanks! :D_

_The chapter after this one will be Kate remembering the kiss. Still not sure about how she should react or if she should tell Castle or not. We'll see..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 12 - Temptation Lane<span>

Yawn.

Kate woke up to find herself warmer than she'd felt in years. She was swimming in blankets and was wrapped in strong arms that were attached to her ruggedly handsome partner. She started to absentmindedly draw circles on his chest which was firmer than she'd expected it to be. She lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest and touched his chin with her fingers, much like she'd done in the freezer from what she remembered. She had the urge to just run her hands through his hair which was disheveled from sleep or lack there of.

"You know someone once told me that staring was creepy."

She jumped at the sound of his voice and looked to see a smile on his face, but his eyes still closed.

"I was merely observing, Castle. I'm a Detective, I'm meant to look at my surroundings thoroughly."

"You weren't looking at your surroundings, you were looking me with that cute little face you have when you're thinking. I could almost hear the cogs turning in your head."

"I least I have cogs to turn." She turned to see him sticking his tongue out at her, eyes now wide open, sparkling with michief.

"Make me breakfast, Mr Castle?"

"Am I your butler now? Do you want me to wear a tux?" He started to get up and walk towards the door.

"Nah, your maid suit will do. I know how much you want to wear it, but be careful, there's such thing as too much skin."

He stopped at the door and turned around, ready with the usual innuendo.

"My dearest Detective, you can have as much of my skin as you please." He quirked his eyebrow and left, presumably to make breakfast. She started to get up but gave small yelp of pain as she sat upright too quickly. Instead of Castle running into the room as expected, it was Alexis. Without speaking, she went to Kate's side and put the Detective's arm around her shoulders and helped her stand up, slowly guiding her towards the kitchen so she could sit down. The teenager's father was running around the kitchen haphazardly, trying to control different foods that were cooking, filling the room with amazing aromas.

"Kate! I would've come and got you out of bed. You didn't have to try and get up without help."

"Relax, I had Alexis's help." She smiled over at the teen appreciatively, who gave the same smile back.

"Seriously, Richard, give the girl some space. She doesn't need you mollycoddling her. She's a grown woman-"

"-Who was shot and is now in my care. What are you doing up so early in the morning, Mother?"

Martha was fully dressed in her usual glittering gear. "I have an audition, so I'm going to grab some breakfast and I'll be off."

Kate couldn't help but admire the diva's outfit. "You look amazing, Martha. They'll have no choice but to give you a part."

"I hope so. I need it so I can get away from my frantic son. He may be caring and sweet, but he can be incredibly annoying."

Alexis cut in. "I second that."

Kate couldn't resist teasing him. "Thirded."

"Is this how it's going to be from now on? My favorite ladies joining forces against me, a helpless writer." He feigned hurt and pouted whilst dishing up the breakfast.

"Favorite ladies, Castle?"

"Yeah, my favorite Mother, my favorite daughter and my favorite friend."

Yet another opening to tease him. "I'd be flattered, Castle, but you have no other friends to choose from." She grinned at him whilst picking up her cutlery, prepared to begin eating her breakfast.

"I'd jab you, but I don't want to break you. Besides, I'd have to catch you first." He waved the spatula at her whilst talking.

"Bring it on, Writerboy."

She was on a roll and he was easy.

"Believe me, one day, when you're better, I'll prove to you that I am definitely Writer_man._" He was bent over, leaning his arm on the table, his faces inches from hers, silently daring her to look away. She bit her lip knowing it drove him crazy and was pleased when she saw his jaw clench.

"One, ew. Two, the pancakes are burning." Alexis pointed to the kitchen.

He turned to find his masterpieces sizzling, but managed to save the majority of them. He presented them to the women sat at the table.

"Voila. Pancakes á la Castle." He waited to see Kate's reaction.

"You do realise that I'm supposed to be eating healthily, right?" She gave him an incredulous look.

"That's why I put bits of fruit in them. You have blueberries, raisins and your favorite, cherries." He winked at her and took the seat next to her, digging in himself.

"I'll let you off for now." She chewed at the first pancake. "I'll let you off forever, these are really good."

"Slow down on the food. You'll get fat."

All three heads looked up at him at the same time. He should know that the first rule of speaking to a woman, is not to call her fat, or even insinuate it. He stopped eating mid-chew and swallowed.

"I, uh, don't mean that you're fat at all. I mean you're definitely not fat, you have a gorgeous figure, not that I've been looking or anything, but seriously, you have not one bit of fat on you. In fact you should eat more, here have some pancakes..." He said the sentence so quickly she had to replay it and slow it down in her head to decipher it.

"Are you calling me greedy, Castle?"

His put his head in his hands and started stuttering. He was cute when he was like this... There were those thoughts again.

She took a pancake off the pile, folded it up and shoved it in his mouth. "Castle, once you've got your foot out of your mouth long enough to talk sense again, you can tell me what we're going to do today."

He chewed on the pancake, all the while looking at her from the corner of his eye. He took a few seconds to regain his composure before attempting to speak.

"Today, we are going to have a lazy day. Once Alexis has gone to school and Mother has gone for her audition, we are going to spend the whole day on the couch with blankets, comfort food and several seasons of _Temptation Lane _on DVD. Sound good?"

She laughed at him at his mention of the soap opera. "You, Richard Castle, watch _Temptation Lane_?"

"No. But _you _do, so get on that sofa and snuggle with the blankets. I shall be over to keep you warm shortly."

She sighed, rolled her eyes and hobbled her way over to the sofa with his help. He disappeared into a closet behind her, and thing she knew, everything went black. "Castle!" He'd thrown the blankets over her head when she wasn't looking. He then said goodbye to Martha and Alexis kissed him on the check, before walking over to Kate, hugged her quickly and left the apartment with a "Bye, guys!"

Castle put the DVD in the player and waited for it to load up.

"So, how did you know that I watch _Temptation Lane? _It's not a piece of information that I'd give up easily."

He laughed quietly. "We had a case. One of the shows writers was killed. Axe in the back, turned out to be the assistant. You started to explain things about the show that you couldn't possibly know unless you were a regular and devoted viewer, Miss Beckett and I sussed it out. Especially when you talked about shippers. Oh, I came up with an awesome name for Esposito and Lanie. Espo... Lanie. Espolanie! Cool, right?"

"That isn't actually that bad. So, what season are we watching?"

"Season 1. From the beginning. I'm dreading Season 3 though. My mother's in it and she's a love interest of Lance Hastings. Never gonna forget him."

"Why not?"

"Put it this way. It's one thing coming home to find your teenage daughter making out with her boyfriend, but walking in on your mother and Lance Hastings making out, that is just..." He trailed off and shuddered theatrically.

"Poor you, but walking in your mom and dad, that's double ew. Thankfully, I never had to endure the pain, but a friend of did. We were in grade school, just old enough to know what sex was and what it entailed and she came in the next day, face pale and she just broke down on my shoulder."

"Good job I've got a lock on my door. It'd be just as scarring for me, nevermind Alexis or my mother. Anyway, shut up and watch the show." He pressed the Play button on the remote and started the show. By the end of the first 5 episodes, Castle had his arm around Kate's shoulders and she was leaning into them. After being shot, and recovering, he'd been there all the way and this way just her way with showing that she's comfortable with him and his care."

A few hours later, Alexis arrived home from school to find them asleep with the DVD still playing. They were lying horizontally on the couch, Kate on her side, between the couch and Castle. She took a picture on her phone before adjusting their blankets to keep them cosy and going upstairs to her room to study. At the sound of footsteps ascending the stairs, Kate awoke. She carefully got up without disturbing her sleep buddy and she slowly made her way to Castle's room to find the belongings that Lanie had brought over. She wanted to shower and she wasn't keen on asking Alexis to help her, or anyone for that matter.

She opened the bag and found a slip of paper on top of all the items. It was from Lanie and read: _Found this under your pillow. Figured you might want it close. L x_

She looked at the photo it was attached to. It was a cast photo from _Temptation Lane_ and they'd all signed it. On the reverse was written: _To KB, From RC_

She smiled and turned the photo back over to admire it again. Of course she wanted it close to her. It reminded her of her mom and now it would once again remind her of Castle.

* * *

><p><em>Beckett looked up from her desk to see Castle stood next to her with an envelope in her hand. "What?"<em>

_"I got you a present." He held out the envelope for her to take. It intrigued her, just like everything else that she did. What could he possibly have got for her?_

_She opened it to reveal a signed cast photo of 'Temptation Lane'. She'd told him she watched it, well he caught her out, but she hadn't been expecting anything like this from anyone, nevermind her partner._

_"Signed cast photo from 'Temptation Lane'. He'd seen her smile before, but this one was so big it almost stretched from either ear. "How did you even get this?"_

_"I know people who know people," he shrugged. She looked up at him trying to put on a face that showed she was annoyed but she couldn't. She was so incredibly happy. He sensed an oncoming take from her past and he couldn't pass that down. He propped his chin up on the arm that was leaning on her desk._

_She lowered the photo. "OK." She laughed at the memory she was about to reveal. "I was nine, and I had to get my tonsils taken out and I was miserable, so my mom took time of from work and stayed with me and... cuddled up infront of the TV, on the couch and we would watch episodes of 'Temptation Lane.' The smile erupted once again on her face. "So every time I see it now, I just... I makes me feel like home and... safe." She paused to look at him, waiting for a snarky comment. "So there you are. Judge away!"_

_He actually considered making a joke but he thought better and took a deep breath instead. "My DVR would make yours look like masterpiece theatre. But I am glad to know this about you." He was so sweet and the smile that turned the corners of his mouth made him almost irresistable. They were having another of their moments. They were happening more frequently. But every moment has to come to an end._

_Her cell started to ring. Peering down to look at the screen, disappointment filled not just Castle, but Beckett as well. It was Josh ringing atthe worst possible moment. She reached to answer, but hesistated slightly before picking up the phone, her smile slightly smaller than before. Castle sensed the moment was over and got up to go._

_"I'll leave you to it." He headed to the elevator before turning around at the sound of her voice._

_"Hey, Castle. Thanks for the photo."_

_"I'll see you." He left with a smile lingering on his features._

_She turned back to her cell before finally picking up._

_"Hey."_

* * *

><p>When Castle woke, he was alone and couldn't see Kate. Being worried by her disappearance, he went searching. He went to his bedroom first incase she'd decided to sleep somewhere more comfortable. He was right. She lying on the bed fast asleep. He smiled and walked over to her and knelt by her face. He cautiously reached his hand out to stroke her hair softly. He noticed she was clutching something to her chest. He managed to pull it free from her grasp without waking her and looked at. It was the picture of <em>Temptation Lane <em>cast that he'd gotten for her after the soap case. He smiled softly and put the picture under arm. He smiled and kissed her forehead and worried when she started to stir. She just rolled over and carried on sleeping.

He left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.


	13. The Kiss

_It's here! It's the kiss. And a little bit of angst. The story has been pretty light so far, so it's time for a fight, though it's only small._

_After this chapter, there should only be 3 more: It's Over, One Writer Girl, and I Love You._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 13 - The Kiss<span>

After a good nights sleep, this time on her own, Kate pretty much spent the whole of the day lounging around watching movies with Little Castle, who helped her tease Big Castle endlessly. Day well spent.

Later that night, Alexis went out for her date with Ashley to the movies, Martha was going to a party all night and Castle had been summoned by Paula to go over some details with _Heat Rises_, which meant she would've had the apartment to herself, but she decided to call Lanie for a little girl talk. She arrived at about seven just before Castle left.

She sat on the sofa next to Kate and relaxed, but was confused with her best friend and the mountain of blankets surrounding her.

"What's with all the blankets? It's really hot in here."

Kate snuggled further into the sofa before answering. "I remembered the freezer and ever since then, I keep getting shivers all the time, so Castle let me keep them so I could stay warm."

Lanie grimaced at her confession. "Ah. Sorry you had to remember. I was so terrified when I heard what had happened from Javier the day after. He told me about the dirty bomb, but he didn't go into detail. I can't imagine how bad that would have been. But at least you lived to fight another day."

"Yeah. I've been doing that a lot lately, which is good news."

They heard Castle whistling in the kitchen and turned to see him approaching them with two glasses of wine. He gave them to the ladies and explained it to them. "Seeing as I'm going out, I thought you two would like some girl time." He directed the next statement to Kate. "And you're only allowed the one glass with your medication, which means you'll be coherent enough to record a drunk Lanie with your phone and I don't want to miss that."

He disappeared into the kitchen once again, missing Kate's eye roll, returning only moments later with some food for them. We have potato chips, pretzels and even some ice cream, but it's in the freezer so you have to get up for it." Kate started to speak. "And don't worry, it's your favorite flavor. Chocolate Fudge Brownie, but leave some for me. Can't resist a bit of Ben & Jerry's."

"Are you quite finished speaking?"

"Uhh... Lemme see. No wild parties, hands off my whiskey and ring me when you're about to start the pillow fight." He went to the table and picked up his phone, wallet and put on his jacket. "I'll be back in about an hour or two, and don't forget to talk about me." He went over to Kate and leaned into her face.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm open to dumb ideas here." She was desperate. Normally, Beckett wasn't short of ideas, but her mind was blank. She was investigating her mother's murder and two of her friends had been kidnapped. <em>

_"Good. 'Cos I got one." Castle knew he was taking a risk, but Ryan and Esposito needed them. And soon._

_Getting out of the car a few minutes later, Beckett stumbled over to Castle and joined him at his side. She let out a slight laugh which was met by a chuckle from Castle. Her hand grasped his shirt just below his chest and they walked for a few yards as the guard started to steadily move towards them. Castle was getting a touch nervous. An armed guard was walking in his direction. Who wouldn't be nervous? He started to grab at something at his coat. It didn't take a genius to know that he was reaching for his gun. He wasn't the only one who noticed._

_"He's not buying it, Castle," she said, breathlessly, trying to stay in character. Not that it was going to make the guard any less suspiscious. The guy was getting pretty close now and Beckett couldn't help but think that now was her chance to get him out of the way. Giggling again, she turned to Castle, and reached out for her Glock, only to be stopped by a warm hand, and she was spun round to face her partner, who was placed his right hand on her jaw, his fingers lightly tangling with the hair by her ear. She'd stopped laughing, a shocked expression overcoming her features. Before any words could leave her mouth, his lips were on hers. _

_To say this was unexpected was an understatement. She froze, unable to react, feeling his hand brushing her back slightly. She pulled away and looked into his stunning blue eyes, transfixed by what she saw. _Did that just happen? _Sensing movement to her left, she saw only one option. Well, she saw several options, involving a gun and some kick ass moves, but this one appealed to her most of all. Fighting the urge to turn away, she leaned into him, flicking her eyes towards the man watching intently, before focussing on her goal. Kissing Castle. Again._

_The first kiss was short and sweet. The second was a whole other story. The moment their lips touched was the moment she felt her control start to slip away from her. This time, her hands weren't idle and hanging by her sides. She brought them up to his shoulder, as if holding him in place. Before she knew it, her lips had parted under his, his tongue was roaming her mouth and she was biting down on his lip. There was absolutely no stopping the contented moan that escaped her and it only fueled Castle on. His hands moved from her waist to her hair, threading his fingers through her chestnut locks, just to make sure she was real and that he was really kissing Detective Katherine Beckett at long last. Before long, her breathing sped up and her right hand was combing itself through his hair, holding his mouth in place against her own._

_The chuckle from the guard, who had now turned away, caught her attention and she managed to hold on to the tiniest bit of control and composure she had left. Turning herself to face him slowly, she broke from the warmth of Castle's lips and spun her body around, striking her flashlight against the assailant's skull, causing him to fall to the ground, rendering him unconscious. Regaining her breath, she turned to find Castle slighly behind her doing the same._

_"That was amazing." Beckett gave him a stunned look, causing him to rethink his words._

_"The... the way you knocked him out, I mean, was..." Castle nodded to the guard, pleased with himself for the quick save._

_"Let's go. Yeah..." Heading towards the building, making sure to step over the motionless body by her feet, she heard Castle quickly following. Opening the door to the building, she..._

* * *

><p>"And absolutely no sneaking a look at my manuscript for <em>Heat Rises, <em>Katherine Beckett."

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek before walking out the door, leaving her bright red and wide eyed. He'd been doing that a lot lately. After a few seconds, she realised that Lanie was trying to speak to her.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

She was silent for a few more seconds, not really thinking about Lanie's words.

"He kissed me."

Lanie grinned at her friend. She was looking like a teenager who had just seen her crush smiling at her. "Yes, Kate, he did. On the cheek. And I didn't even get one."

"No, he kissed me."

Lanie was confused now. Kate was stuck in a trance which was highly unusual for the normally composed detective. She watched as Kate raised her fingers not to her cheek, but to her lips and touched them lightly before turning to face the ME.

"Katherine Beckett, tell me everything you know." Silence. "NOW." It hadn't taken long for her to catch on to Kate's hidden meaning. Why hadn't she known in the first place? What had happened? When had it happened? So many questions!

"He kissed me, Lanie."

"You know, Girl, I figured that out already," she said sarcastically. "It was a memory just then wasn't it? I've seen you like that often enough over the past few days to know exactly what just went through your mind. Start speaking now. What happened"

"He kissed me."

Lanie smacked her palm into her forehead. "I know that. But when and why?"

Kate started to become more wary and looked around and met her friends eyes.

"I need a drink. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream."

She got up off the sofa and made her way to the freezer much faster than she was supposed to move in her condition. Lanie had to get up quickly to grab her and steer her back to sit down and then fetched the ice cream and two spoons from the kitchen. Judging by Kate's current state, she'd need it more than she would, but who was she to refuse a few bites. She opened it and placed the tub on the seat between them and started to eat.

"S'good. Now, why did he kiss you? Did he confess his undying love for you at last?"

"Undying love? What? No. We were undercover I think. Saving your man and his partner from getting killed. There was a guard on duty and we pretended to be a drunk couple to get close enough to knock him out. But the guard got suspiscious and went for his gun, so naturally I went for mine too." She took a spoonful of ice cream and finished the sentence with a mouthful of chocolate fudge. "He grabbed 'n' kisshed me. Mmmm. S'really good."

"It was that good, huh?"

"I meant the ice cream. Not had Ben & Jerry's in a while."

"So the kiss was terrible."

"It was... unexpected. One minute I'm trying to shoot a guard and the next, Castle's tongue is in my mouth."

Lanie choked on her ice cream at the tongue comment and started to cough. She took a long drink of her wine to compose herself and ask, "Wha-a?"

Kate gave a questioning look in her direction, confused as to her comment.

"Richard Castle, had his tongue, in your mouth? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's no big deal. It was a kiss." She started to stare into the distance. "A really good kiss."

"Did you tell him that?"

"I don't know. I can't remember. Amnesia, duh." The tub was half empty already. Comfort food is amazing. She'd have to thank Castle later. For the ice cream of course, not the kiss. "I hate this pain medication. Makes me say things I wouldn't normally. Any other time and you wouldn't know about it."

"In that case, I love pain medication. I have an idea, actually. We should totally give some to you and Castle and stick you in a room together and see how long it takes to get an interesting conversation started.

"Can we talk about something else now? I need all the dish on Esposito."

Lanie grinned. They spent the next hour speaking about Esposito, the new captain who nice but strict and general things like movies and books. They also decided to go for lunch together more often once she was well enough to leave the apartment by herself. After finishing the ice cream, they both felt rather bloated and relaxed. Alexis returned from her date and went upstairs after saying goodnight to the two women as she had to study. Martha, expectedly, didn't come home until the next morning, but Castle arrived only ten minutes after his daughter.

"Hey, ladies. Have fun without me?" He took off his jacket and sat inbetween them on the sofa making them all squashed together. He stole a blanket from Kate and wrapped it around himself and leaned back into the couch.

"Oh, yeah. By the way, Writerboy, you need more ice cream." She pointed to the tub on the table.

"Shame. And how many times, Dr. Parish? It's Writer_Man_." He was very interested by her reply.

"So I've heard, Castle. We spent most of the night talking about you." He turned to look at Kate with raised eyebrows. She had turned to look at something invisible on the wall and had red cheeks and neck.

"Oh, _really_, now? What about? My boyish charm? Ruggedly handsome looks? Or my amazingly written books, sex scenes included?" He moved his eyebrows suggestively.

Lanie stood up preparing to leave. She decided to tease him, although she knew Kate wouldn't appreciate it.

"Just about a cold night in January outside a warehouse. Apparently your mouth saved the day." She turned to walk to the door leaving them both stunned on the sofa. "Later, guys." She was gone.

They sat there in silence avoiding eye contact before Castle got up to clear up the wine glasses and put the ice cream tub in trash. He was wandering around the kitchen when he heard Kate move about. He left the kitchen to see her trudging towards to bedroom, blankets and all.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed, Castle. I'm tired."

She started to walk again but was stopped by his voice.

"We need to talk about it, Kate. We never talk about it." She could hear the desperation in his voice and sighed.

"I said I'm tired." She entered the bedroom but was followed by Castle.

"Stop running from me, Kate. We're doing so well right now." His voice was quiet as though he was scared by her response.

She turned and closed the door in his face before saying, "Go away. I'm going to sleep."

She turned and leant against the door and brushed her hand through her hair.

* * *

><p><em>"Do you know what I thought when I first met you?" They were sat on the sofa in a hotel suite in L.A. whilst trying to find Mike Royce's killer. They'd been doing fairly well so far but after a day of travelling and following leads, she was exhausted, but she was still listening intently to him, watching his eyes focussing on hers.<em>

_He sat up slightly before daring to speak. _

_"That you were a mystery I was never going to solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you I'm... I'm still amazed. At the depths of your strength. And your heart."_

_She let out a small appreciative smile and dropped her head to avoid feeling uncomfortable._

_"And your hotness." _

_She couldn't help but look up at him and grin before returning a compliment. "You're not so bad yourself, Castle."_

_That's when the atmosphere changed. The humour faded and the significance of the convesation shone through. Her grin slowly faded, revealing a more serious expression, all the while never breaking eye contact with him. His head turned slightly and his lips parted. This was Castle she was sat with, being serious and staring at each other intently. Something that Lanie called eye-sex, which seemed to be happening a lot more as of late. Josh was still in the picture, but these fleeting moments with Castle never failed to ignite the tiny spark in the bottom of her stomach, the one that Josh had started to dim. _If I don't move soon enough, I don't trust him to prevent doing something stupid. Who am I kidding, I trust him with my life. It's myself I don't trust. _Before he could do anything, she sighed whilst breaking eye contact, removing the arm that was propping her head up against the sofa._

_"I should go. It's late. G'night." She watched as his face contorted after realising that he'd one again missed the perfect opportunity to tell her exactly how he felt about her. He sat up, bowing his head to look at the floor, mentally hitting himself for being so damn stupid. She made it to the corner of the sofa, just outside her bedroom door before he plucked up the courage to say something before she disappeared for the night._

_"Kate..."_

_Letting out a breath, she turned to face him slowly, getting ready to close the door._

_"Goodnight, Castle." She gave him a small smile before looking down and closing the door completely, losing sight of that puppy-dog face of his._

_What the hell had she been thinking? She has a boyfriend. He's gorgeous, smart. Hell, he's a god damn heart surgeon! She's everything a girl could dream of but he missed something. A few things, actually. He didn't bring her coffee and a bearclaw every morning. He doesn't make her laugh without even trying. He doesn't come up with wild CIA alien thories. He doesn't set up scholarships for her mother and he doesn't know that Temptation Lane is her guilty pleasure. But she knew something with all those things, who was sitting outside, silently begging her to give in to him. What was stopping her? After combing her fingers through her hair, she took just a moment to answer that question. _Right now, nothing is stopping me.

_With her hand on the handle, she took a slow breath. Hesitating slightly, she pushed down, swinging the door open to reveal the room outside. The wine glasses on the table. The fluffy bathrobe on the chair. The empty sofa and the closing door across from her, Castle's back slipping from view. _

_First Castle missed his chance and now she had just missed hers. _

_So typical of them and to be honest, she wouldn't expect anything less of them._

* * *

><p>Did she really do that? She had her hand over her mouth in shock and tears started to roll down her face. What would she have done if Castle had been on the other side of the door in LA? Would they have talked? Kissed? Spent the night together? Knowing her fragile mind after Royce's death, she could only guess all three.<p>

Realising she was in the exact same position as she had been then, she put her hand on the handle of the door, but she didn't turn it like she did last time. She sighed and walked over to the bed and went to sleep.

If she had taken the plunge and exited the room, she would've seen Castle sat against the wall with head in his hands, furious with himself. He fell asleep outside the door.


	14. It's Over

_It's the penultimate chapter to the penultimate chapter. The next one is going to jump forward a month or two and I've already got the first half written. Enjoy! :D_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 14 - It's Over<span>

After a restless night sleep, Kate woke up and her first thoughts were of the words that were shared between her and Castle the night before. He'd been right, they needed to talk. Really talk to each other. She had been fooling herself that nothing was wrong, but she'd woken up just over a week ago in a hospital bed with Castle and Gina leaving together fresh in her mind. She'd been so incredibly mad and upset. She went home that night and couldn't decide whether to punch something or cry. Inevitably, it was the former as the latter would make her seem weak, not human. She had the same want to cry now and she almost did until she heard shuffling outside her door.

She heard Castle groan as though he'd just woken from a slumber and then she heard him speak.

"Wha-? What happened?"

She was sat on the edge of the bed now listening to him. It's not like he'd never eavesdropped on her several times. She could deduce that he wasn't alone when she heard the second, much softer voice of his daughter.

"Dad. Why are you sleeping in the hall? You have a bed upstairs."

"Me and Kate had a fight again. God, I hate it when this happens and it's always my fault. Last time we argued she kicked me out and told me we were over and at first I was so angry at her, but mostly at myself for walking away and letting her win."

Is this the fight that Alexis had mentioned at the hospital? Had she really told it was over? If she did, she must have been furious at him, much like when he opened her mother's case or undermined her when Damien Westlake was suspected of his wife's murder.

"I hate it when you both fight too. You always get that droopy look on your face as though the world is about to end. I can tell when something has happened because you stop being so chirpy and you stop talking about her. Do you realise how much you talk about her? Most of the time it's not even about a case. Kate said this today, Kate did that today. I'm eighteen years old, Dad, I'm not stupid and neither is everyone else. And you know full well that she wouldn't have made you go away forever. You two are just as bad as each other and you can't keep away."

"You're wiser than you look, you know." She heard him sigh. "I just don't want it to be over. Solving murder cases had given me something to do instead of going to wild parties and getting drunk. I've been happier these last few years than I have the rest of my life."

So had Kate. She'd had a fairly normal childhood until her mother was murdered. After that, she was miserable, dealing with guilt, grief and an alcoholic father. Castle had made everything easier and lightweight, even before the Precinct.

"What's made you happier? Solving cases, or your favorite detective?"

Kate heard him chuckle lightly through the wood of the door. "C'mere, Pumpkin. Love you."

"Love you too, Dad. I'll be waiting in the kitchen for my breakfast waffles, but right now, you have to get in there and talk to her. Although considering she's a detective, I wouldn't be surprised if she'd already heard us speaking."

There was the sound of shuffling in the hall and footsteps towards the kitchen. Then came a simple knock on the door.

"Kate? Can I come in?"

He opened the door and stuck his head around the edge to see if she was awake. For some reason, he wasn't the least bit surprised to see her sat against the headboard with her legs crossed looking back at him. She simply nodded for him to approach her.

"You were right, Castle. We need to talk." She patted the bed next to her and he sat where she indicated.

"I'm sorry." They said it at the same time and smiled at each other.

Kate looked down before speaking.

"When I woke up at the hospital, my first memory was of you walking away from me with Gina so you could take her to Hamptons. I was so angry at you, Castle. You just left and all you gave me was a handshake while I was trying to open up to you. I was trying to tell you that I wanted to come with you. I didn't want Tom Demming, I wanted you and you didn't want me."

"I always wanted you, Kate. You amaze me, every little bit of you. You heart, your strength..."

"My hotness? I remember, Castle."

They shared a smile before Castle carried on. "I asked you to come with the Hamptons with me so we could spend time together. I wasn't trying to get into your pants or your bed. When we first met, that was what I wanted. Last year, now even, I want so much more than that. I want all of you, Kate and I want you to feel the same way about me. I left because you were with Schlemming and it killed me. I saw you kiss him and it hit me that I wanted that with you and it scared me at first. I haven't felt feelings like that since, well, Kyra and look how that ended. But I came back and this time I'm not leaving. Not unless you want me to."

"I never want you to leave. I already said that I want you around when I catch my mom's killer, but it's more than that. I don't know why, and it scares me, but I always want you there, even if you're staring at me doing paperwork." She sighed and put her head on his shoulder. "There's something else I can recall about LA. After I went into my room, I didn't stay there." She turned towards him to look into his eyes. "I came back out, Castle, and you weren't there. I missed you, again. What is it with us and all these lost opportunities?"

He laughed quietly and took her hand in his. "I don't want to miss any more opportunities, Kate. You're more than just my muse, my Nikki Heat. You make me feel that I have something else to look forward to, apart from Alexis of course. When she's gone to Stanford, I'm going to be alone, so expect lots of takeaway, poker and movie nights. I wanna be with you, Kate, but we need to talk more about things. The kiss and the freezer for starters. You practically died in my arms and I wasn't far behind you. That was the scariest moment of my life, teamed with you almost getting blown up, both times, and Alexis being born. Don't get me wrong, I was over the moon at having a daughter, but it's terrifying. The prospect that you're going to do something terribly wrong, but I know now that she'd forgive me for anything and I'd do the same. I'd do it for you too."

He trailed off and stopped speaking, obviously lost in his thoughts. She found it cute. She loved the fact that he was a father, and a good one at that. Wait, love? Where did that come from? Hell, who was she kidding? She was in love with him. With memories had come the feelings and she was exhilerated by them, but petrified all the same. But she wasn't ready for that now. Not until she was better.

"You said we have to talk about the-"

"-kiss. Don't worry about that. Didn't forget. In fact I never forgot about it. You're contagious. I didn't set out to kiss you in the first place, but Ryan and Esposito were kidnapped and if Lockwood had heard shots, they would have been dead by the time we got there. Don't want that now, do we?" He winked at her and she smiled.

"No, definitely not. They're like brothers to me. Sometimes they're like little brothers who I get to order around and other times they're like older brothers who protect me. Actually, they threatened Demming and Josh. Demming understood, but Josh didn't understand. And from what I heard, you interrogated him a little, too."

He jerked his head back trying to look for an excuse. "Need to make sure that he was suitable for my muse. It didn't last long, though considering you'd only gone for your jacket and purse."

She was confused. She'd been talking about the encounter a few days ago when he and Lanie stormed out of the apartment, which ended in Josh getting a police escort out of the room after breaking up with him. Of course, she just had to ask.

"When was that? I was talking about your debacle a few days ago."

He immediately went bright red and tried to cover up.

"Oh, uh, you know. A few months ago, the first time he came to the Precinct, of course, he was surprised that we didn't know he even existed. Sorry about that, by the way. It was weird though, I was probing him for information and he's taller than me, and he had bigger muscles. Not that mine aren't strong of course. I'm a superhero in disguise, actually. They call me Writer Boy. Or Writer Monkey, you can thank Sorenson for that."

She laughed out loud at his humor. He looked so serious and yet he was acting like a nine year old again. "Oh, yeah and what's your weapon of choice?"

"I read to them. I read a gripping and thrilling story in a matter of seconds and the become transfixed while you beat on their ass."

"And what's your second weapon?"

"A razor sharp pen. Jab 'em enough times and I break a few ribs, they cry and confess all their sins."

"You'll need more than that to bring me down."

"Could always jab you with something else and I don't mean my finger."

He _almost _avoided her assault on his arm with a slap and they both burst out smiling. They'd been having a serious talk and had already reverted back to their usual banter.

They laughed together for a few minutes, joking about superheroes, when Castle revealed he had light sabers. Not surprising. When their laughter faded, Kate was half lying on Castle and he had his arm around her lovingly. They turned to face each other, and their residual grins disappeared. Castle started to lean in to kiss her, but she turned her head. It wasn't that she didn't want it to happen, she just couldn't do it now.

"No, Castle." She continued quickly after seeing his hurt look. "I don't mean never. In fact, I mean soon, but not now. I'm in constant pain, I've just been shot, and I have pretty bad amnesia, even if most of my memory has returned. Just give me some time. You'll know when." She squeezed his hand and leaned back against him. She felt him kiss her hair and rub his hand up and down her arm.

"As long as you're happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy." He repeated the words he'd said to her just two weeks ago and he still meant them, but this time, they weren't laced with anger, but with hope that one day she'd be happy because of him.

* * *

><p><em>KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK<em>

_She opened the door with her Glock in hand and he was stood there. She'd been expecting him, yet she was still surprised to see him there and she let it show._

_"Can I come in?" Castle looked unsure of himself, catching on to how uncomfortable she was._

_"Yeah." She was quiet when she spoke._

_She opened the door further to let him stride in and he started talking about the case immediately._

_"So, we went over all of Raglan and McAllister's old arrest records, and you were right. There was a third cop who was there on a lot of those arrests, but then someone went back into those reports and removed their name, so Ryan and Esposito and looking into who was running the records back then."_

_"Castle, you couldn't have just told me this over the phone?"_

_He paused. "Well, yeah... I thought that..."_

_She sighed and shifted from one foot to the other. "Castle, if you got something to say, will you please just say it?"_

_"Beckett, everybody associated with this case is dead. Everyone. First your mom and her colleagues, then Raglan and McAllister and you know they're coming for you next."_

_She shrugged and walked passed him. "Captain Montgomery's got a protective detail on me, wasn't that hard to spot._

_"That's not going to be enough to stop Lockwood, you know that, think about what they're up against. Professional killers? I've been working with you for three years and you know me, I'm the guy who says we can get past this, but you know what, Beckett, I don't think we're gonna win this."_

_She was getting irritated now. "Castle, they killed my mother. What do you want me to do here?"_

_He looked dead in her eyes before uttering the words, "Walk away."_

_What? Her mother, Johanna Beckett had been stabbed in an alleyway, the case forgotten and said to be gang violence. Now it turned out it was part of a conspiracy. She couldn't walk away from this. She'd die too if she had to._

_"They're gonna kill you, Kate. If you don't care about that... At least think about how that's going to affect the people that love you. You really wanna put your dad though that? What about Josh?"_

_"And what about you, Rick?"_

_"Well of course I don't want anything to happen to you. I'm your partner, I'm your friend!"_

_"Is that what we are?"_

_"Alright, I don't know _what _we are." He started to walk towards her with slow strides until he was stood right infront of her. "We kiss, and we never talk about it, we almost die, frozen in each others arms and we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are. I know I don't wanna see you throw your life away."_

_"Well last time I checked, it was my life, not your personal jungle gym." He ran his hand through is hair as he listened to her. "And for the past three years, I've been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough."_

_She walked past him again, putting distance between them._

_"This isn't about your mother's case anymore, this about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing for so long, you're afraid to find out who you are without it."_

_"You don't know me, Castle! You think you do, but you don't."_

_He didn't even hesitate before responding, barely letting her finish her sentence before starting his own._

_"I know you crawled inside your mother's muder, and you didn't come out." He didn't look like her Castle anymore. He was furious and she wasn't used to seeing his face contorted in anger? Where were the jokes and the innuendos that wouldn't stop? "I know you hide there, same way hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy, but you're afraid."_

_"You know what we are, Castle? We are over. Now get out."_

_When she turned around, he was gone._

* * *

><p>They lay there for hours without speaking, just breathing and sharing small touches. She vowed that she wouldn't argue with him ever again if she could help it. It was one of the memories that she wished had never returned, along with the freezer and bomb, but it was in the past, and she was determined to make sure it remained there. They weren't together, but they were both content in the fact that one day they would be, and this time they wouldn't miss their chance. Eventually Castle got up to start making dinner for them seeing as they'd missed breakfast. She lay on the sheets were he'd been just moments before, absorbing the warmth he'd left behind. She retrieved the folded piece of paper from her pocket. She hadn't changed the night before and had slept in her clothes due to her arm hurting when she moved it too much, which meant that she couldn't dress easily without help, plus she'd been too tired.<p>

She'd found the note in the pocket of the clothes that Lanie had packed and had cried when she first read it. She'd kept from Castle. She figured out he knew about it, but not what it said. One day, she'd show to him, but for now it was hers. Reading it once again, she remembered being on the plane from LA. It had been the turning point in their relationship, even though her partner didn't know it.

* * *

><p><em>She sat on the plane in the first class seat that Castle had paid for. He was sat next to her, facing away from her, sleeping. If she was really quiet, she could hear the gentle snoring and to be honest, it was adorable. Figuring he couldn't interrupt her, she reached into her pocket and unfolded the creased letter from Royce. She'd read it plenty of times, but the last part had made her think. Deeply.<em>

_**Now for the hard part kid.**_

_**It's clear that you and Castle have something real. And you're fighting it. But trust me, putting the job ahead of your heart, is a mistake. Risking our heart is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back and wonder 'If Only'.**_

* * *

><p>If only's? What if's? There'd be no more of those where Castle was concerned and as soon as she was back on her feet and had less on her plate, she'd take the dive with him readily. Soon.<p> 


	15. My One Writer Girl

_I know the whole launch party and scholarship theme has been done sooo many times, but I couldn't think of a better way to do it, although I'm defeating one cliché by keeping them apart. For this chapter at least. Considering the next chapter is the last, they're obviously gonna be together. I'm too obsessed with Caskett to keep them apart forever._

_Disclaimer: i don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 15 - My One Writer Girl<span>

It had been 9 weeks and 3 days since Kate had been shot. Staying with Castle for all that time, it had gone by quickly. She was well enough to do things on her own now, dress herself, shower, walk. Even still, she was still living with him, Alexis and Martha. She didn't want to leave, and no one asked her to. She'd spent most of her time playing laser tag (we she was well enough), watching movies and even having the occasional food fight, Kate and Alexis vs. Castle. She still got pain every so often, but only if she strained herself immensely, which meant no chasing criminals just yet. She was happy enough on desk duty under the watchful eye of the new Captain. She was strict, but she was nice enough. Castle hadn't been coming in when they had a case, and she could tell that the Captain was impressed, even though she had had to reconsider getting rid of him at first.

She'd read Naked Heat again after being shot as she'd forgotten that as well. She still recalled moments every other day, but they were getting less and less. The main thing she couldn't remember was the actual shooting, and doctors said she may never remember it. It was time for the Heat Rises lauch party, and Castle had booked the same place as the Storm Fall lauch party, the place were they had met for the first time. (Officially, of course. Waiting in line for an hour to get a book signed didn't exactly count in her mind).

She was stood infront of her mirror with Lanie and Jenny at her apartment. They were being picked up in 10 minutes by a driver who had picked Ryan, Esposito and Castle up already. She'd had no dress to wear until two hours ago when she walked into her bedroom to find a box with her name on it, a beautiful dress inside. It was elegant, but covered up her scars. She was sure that wasn't a coincidence, but knowledge on Castle's side.

"You ready, Kate?"

She finished her mascara and turned to walk to the sofa to sit down, awaiting the arrival of the men.

"Yeah. Now we wait."

"I envy you sometimes. We're wearing higher heels that you and you still manage to tower over us."

Kate had been forced to wear flat shoes for the past few weeks. Of course, tonight, she'd managed to sneak on a small pair of heels that shouldn't do her any harm. Being tall naturally also helped give a height advantage.

She chuckled at Lanie's remark and went silent.

"What are you thinking about? Are you okay?" Jenny was concerned about her, and now so was Lanie.

Physically, she felt fine, but inside she was nervous about being at an event in public for the first time since the shooting. But she wasn't the type of person to tell the women that. Castle had thought ahead and ordered the security guard to linger around and keep an eye on her. It wasn't to stop any shooters, but to make her feel safe. All she needed to feel safe was Castle.

"I'm fine. Just wondering about the dedication."

Wrong thing to say.

"Ooooh, girl. I wonder what it'll be. First time you're extraordinary, they next it's nothing too special. After the events of the last few weeks, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a declaration of love."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "He's not that stupid. He knows I'd kill him."

"Yeah, then kiss him."

She turned her head away and smiled, remaining silent. Lanie and Jenny looked at each other knowingly, but didn't press the matter any further. After a few more minutes of idle chatting, she heard a key turn in the door. The only people with a key were her, Lanie, for emergencies, and Castle. She turned the see the last of the list looking at them with a big smile on his face, looking incredibly handsome in his tux.

"My, my, ladies. Your men will be gobsmacked. You all look stunning. They're lucky men."

He kissed Lanie and Jenny on the cheek and they preceded downstairs to the limo awaiting them to see their me dressed up in suits. Kate lingered to make sure the door was locked and the lights were out. Castle waited with her and they took the elevator once it arrived from the bottom floor after Jenny and Lanie. They stood there and Kate looped her arm around his. They'd been touching each other a lot more lately. Light, friendly touches, but it was contact none the less. He turned to her and stared into her emerald eyes.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Kate. And don't be scared about tonight, I've got you whether you want me or not." He leant over and kissed her on the forehead. He'd been doing that more as well, though it never went any further.

"Thank you, Rick. You look pretty handsome yourself."

"That's old news, Detective. Come on." They walked through the open doors. It didn't escape his attention that she called him Rick. She seemed to do it every so often without thinking and he liked it, very much.

Arriving out front, they climbed into limo and Kate greeted the other men.

"So, Castle? Do we get a big announcement and introduction. We are Roach after all." Esposito pointed between him and Ryan with a grin on his face.

"If you want I can drive you to the Precinct to pick up your normal car and have them say 'The Roach Coach is here!'. What about that?"

"That would be sooo cool, but there's a problem with the seat so everytime Espo's driving too fast, my legs are almost broken against the dashboard. Plus, I like it in here. The seats are cushy, oh, and they have champagne." Ryan picked a glass up and chugged it while the others laughed at him.

"It'd be safe if Raley, I mean Ryan, got out first with Jenny, followed by Ochoa and Lauren..." He received a punch from Lanie at the use of her alter ego's name. "And then I'll get out with Kate. Crap, I forgot my sunglasses. They keep the camera flash out of my eyes and I look cool as an added bonus."

"I'm not being seen with you and sunglasses when the sun isn't even out. You're lucky I agreed to accompany you."

"You mean be my date."

"I'm not your date, I'm your muse."

"Hah! I told you that you liked me calling you that. And you called me yours."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not you-"

"Nuh uh, no take backs. And I have witnesses that this conversation happened."

She narrowed her eyes at him and turned her head away to talk to Lanie some more. Even though they openly had feelings about each other, loving feelings, they still bantered and argued. They wouldn't be Castle and Beckett, or Kate and Rick without it.

After another ten minutes, they arrived at the venue. The windows were blacked out, which meant they could see the waiting reporters, but they couldn't see them, which gave Kate time to compose herself. She was even more nervous now and was scared that it'd show, but her worries were forgotten when she felt a hand on her knee, the thumb rubbing circles on the material of the dress.

"This is so exciting!" Jenny and Ryan were preparing to leave the limo together, fans outside yelling for them to get out of the car. As the door was opened by the chauffeur, they both stepped out, and within seconds the door was closed again. They could see the couple holding hands and walking down the red carpet, Ryan waving enthusiastically while people chanted 'Raley, Raley, Raley'. Very few people outside the precinct knew that Ryan was meant to be Raley, but the fans were guessing correctly. As they got to the doors, they turned back and stood waiting for the others.

This time when the door opened, Esposito and Lanie stepped out and people were chanting yet again. Back in the limo, Kate was twiddling her thumbs and trying to breathe normally. Castle wasn't one to overlook her actions.

"Are you okay, Kate? We can go back if you want."

"No, Rick, it's your launch party and I'm Nikki Heat. I have to be here with you. It's unfair for me to ask you to leave."

"It was also unfair for you to get shot. It's fine to be scared, and I know you won't admit it easily, but I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you. None of us should have to go through that again. I almost lost you and I won't lose you again."

His hand was on her cheek, the thumb preparing to wipe away any tears may shed, but they never came. She took in a deep breath, looked at him and nodded with a smile.

When the door opened for the third and final time, Castle got out first and turned to hold his hand out for Kate. He helped her out of the car and they turned to look at the red carpet ahead of them, fans either side, screaming and cameras flashing in their faces. They started walking and Castle stopped every so often to talk to a few journalists of sign the odd book. Kate noticed how he refused to sign any chests which made her smile, even though she tried to hide it. When they got to the end of the carpeet and joined the others, she realised Castle still had hold of her hand, even though he'd let go to sign his books. They turned and more cameras flashed.

He leant forwards between Ryan and Esposito's heads and whispered to them, "You know, I bet the fans would love a picture of Roach." He retracted his head and pushed both boys back on to the carpet. They looked at each and shrugged, posing for photos with each other, holding their hands and guns.

After Lanie and Jenny's laughter had died down, they went inside away from the rabid fans. Of course now they were faced with more fans, although more mentally stable. Castle squeezed her hand and excused himself to mingle with people to promote his book, but after several minutes he came back with a question.

"Do you fancy doing an interview with me? It's just one and I know the reporter. She's one of the nicer ones and she won't put you under pressure or anything. You don't have to, but you were looking a little lost over here by yourself."

She nodded, obviously unsure about answering a strangers questions.

* * *

><p>"Miss Beckett, it's nice to finally meet you. I've a heard a lot about you from Richard here."<p>

She turned to look at him, seeing his cheeks turn read as she raised her eyebrows in question. He simply shrugged.

"If you don't want to answer any of the questions, just say so and I'll skip it. How long have you been a member of NYPD?"

She cleared her throat. "I've been working with them for about nine of ten years, but I've only been a homicide detective for four or five years."

"And how long have you been working together?"

"Three, nearly four years."

Had it really been that long? It felt as if they'd known each other forever.

"There's been a lot of talk about a civilian helping on cases. Some people think it's dangerous and that a properly trained police officer would be better for the job."

"Well technically I'm not employed by the NYPD, but-"

"He may be a civilian, but he'd make a damn good detective. He's my partner and I wouldn't have it any other way. He makes my job easier and catches killers quickly, even if he comes up with annoying theories."

She didn't have to turn to look at him to know that he was smiling at her answer.

"I've told you, Beckett, the law of averages states that one day I will be right and an alien will have infiltrated the CIA and constucted a massive nuclear device to blow up the sun. Can't wait to tell you 'I told you so.'"

The reporter was watching their interaction as she asked more questions about their work and what it entailed.

"The next few questions are of a more personal nature, so feel free not to answer. Miss Beckett, you were shot a few months ago. How has that time been for you."

"Uhhh, no comm-" Rick started, but Kate finished.

"Hell. No pain like being hit a bullet, but I've been blessed by friends and family and they've helped me through it and supported me, and I wouldn't actually be alive today if Castle hadn't seen it coming."

Kate was stood infront of Castle, slightly to the left. Her position meant that Castle could put his hand on her lower back to comfort her. She leant back into his hand, trying to convey her appreciation of his actions.

"And also I'd just like to ask, there's been a lot of speculation and I'm sure you're bored of people of asking, but are you two in a relationship."

"No."

"Not yet."

It was like the case a few years ago when they'd been asked the question by a suspect, but this time their answers were reversed leaving the reporter and Castle confused. She winked at him and walked away after saying her thanks to the reporter.

After an hour or so, it was time for the speeches. Gina was on stage first ready to introduce Castle, luckily for Kate, tonight she was just publisher and ex-wife, not current girlfriend. After Castle walked on to the stage and the applauding stopped he started to speak.

"Thank you, thank you everybody for all our support of my novel. I know it's a few weeks later than what you may be used to, but I've had plenty to think about in the last few weeks. As I'm sure you've heard in the press, Kate Beckett, my muse was shot, which meant writing came second for a while.

"This is my third novel of the Nikki Heat series, and I have a contract to write one more, but as I see it, that's not nearly long enough to tell her story, so hopefully my next one won't be the last. As I'm sure you've noticed, there are no books out on display for you to look at. They will be coming out soon for you to look at, but right now, the first copy goes to Nikki Heat herself."

Everyone applauded as he got of the stage with a copy of Heat Rises in his handa and started to walk towards Kate who was stood with Lanie, Jenny and their men. She was sat on a stool at the bar, regretting her earlier choice of high heels, even if they couldn't exactly be called high.

"You know, you're sat exactly where I was when I first met you. Except your hair was red and short and you had the grumpiest face I'd ever seen."

She tryed to act annoyed at him, but she couldn't hide her smile. "Yeah, and you offered to sign my chest. Look how far we've come."

"Well, to be honest, I'd still sign your boobs if you wanted me to. I have a pen actually." He held it up and moved his eyebrows suggestively.

"Maybe later, Castle. Now give me the book." She held her hands out and received the book. She flicked through the first few pages and moved so Lanie couldn't continue looking over her shoulder. She read the dedication and a memory sprang to mind.

* * *

><p><em>"I heard you guys were pretty hard on Conrad last night." Castle was stood by the murder board looking like a guilty child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.<em>

_"Hard on him? No, it's just a little... friendly hazing." He wasn't sounding to sure of himself and she could tell. He sometimes thought that she could smell his fear._

_"To hear him describe it, it sounds like someone was trying to teach him a lesson." She had her eyebrows slightly raised which triggered Castle's internal alarm bell._

_"What! Why would I wanna do that?" He was chuckling nervously, trying to act normally, which had always been difficult for him around Beckett in the first place._

_"Because you didn't want him to spend time with me?" He had a nerve. She had the right to see and speak to whoever she damn well pleased. But right now, she was trying not to laugh at his attempt to prevent tripping over his own two feet._

_"That is completely..."_

_"...True?" As soon as the words left her mouth, his face dropped. He'd be caught. Snared by the hunter. He looked scared and worried at the same time, and she didn't see him like that often, and when she did, it was normally something to do with Alexis._

_"Yes. Fine. It's true. I'm jealous. There... I said it. I want you all to myself, and to have you spending time with another writer, that upsets me. And it...If that makes me petty. So be it. Guilty as charged."_

_She couldn't believe he'd just said that. She knew that spending time with Conrad annoyed him, but she hadn't realised how deeply it affected him. To know that the famous mystery author, Richard Castle, had some kind of claim over her excited her a little. He was her annoying shadow at first... And now he's one of her best friends. And as much as she hates to admit it, she liked to be called his muse. His face relaxed when he caught sight of the nervous smile taking over her face._

_"Actually, I kind of think it's sweet."_

_He paused before replying, thinking about what she'd just said. "You do?"_

_"I do. And that's why you don't have to worry about me hanging around with Conrad from now on. I'm a one writer-girl."_

_When Conrad and the boys left, Castle turned to her and tried to be sincere as possible, which wasn't hard after what they'd just talked about._

_"Thank you."_

_She didn't even have to think about her response._

_"Always."_

* * *

><p><strong>To KB<strong>

**My muse, my inspiration, my best friend.**

**My One Writer Girl**

She looked up and saw him fidgeting awkwardly, awaiting her response. She ran her finger over the words, closed the book and place it on the bar.

"Meh, it'll do." He looked seriously disappointed. "I'm kidding, Rick. It's perfect. Thank you."

She stood infront of him, aware of their close proximity.

"I'm going to hug you now, and there's no running away."

With those words, he crept forwards and put his arms around her waist. She countered his movements by wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him pull her close. The last time they hugged had been outside the hospital when she'd finally been discharged.

They heard a chorus of 'Awwwws' behind them and saw Jenny and Lanie leafing through the book, peering at the dedication.

Lanie looked up and peered at Kate who had her hands placed on Castle's arms which were still wrapped around her.

"Wait a minute, Katherine Beckett, I thought I was your best friend."

She rolled her eyes and stepped over to the ME to hug her as well. "You're by best girlfriend. He's my best boyfriend." She pulled back and bit her lip. "That came out wrong."

"Sure, sure. All in good time. C'mon Javi, I wanna dance."

Esposito lead his girlfriend onto the dance floor, followed by Jenny and Ryan.

Castle held out his hand for the second time that night. "C'mon Kate. Wouldn't want you to feel left out now, would we?"

She placed her hand in his and they joined their friends on the floor. Their hands went to the same places as they had been during their earlier hug, they swayed to the music, chatting amicably.

"So, Castle. Did you invite your protégé to come?"

"Who's my protégé?"

She was teasing him. "You know, the next Richard Castle."

She felt him tense and held in her laughter.

"Him? Conrad? Ugh. He was a nice guy. Up until he tried to steal you of course. You should have seen it when Patterson was telling him that you never, EVER, under any circumstances, make the girlfriend or the boyfriend the killer. He didn't know what hit him."

"You were mean to him. Seeing a jealous Castle does make a change, though."

"Is it manly?"

"No."

"Does it turn you on?"

"No."

"Does it make you want me?"

"No."

"Damn it."


	16. The Shooting

_Originally, I was going to end it in this chapter as I ran out of significant memories, but because I've enjoyed writing this story so much, I've added another chapter by splitting the shooting into two parts that Kate will remember separately which means THIS is actually the penultimate chapter._

_Also, I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I wrote out the chapter and deleted it to change it completely so that I could make it into two. I think it's better this way. :D_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter - The Shooting<span>

Kate was still on desk duty at the twelth for another week, which meant she was almost back to kicking ass. They'd closed the case just half an hour ago and now she was finishing up the paperwork. Finding the murderer had taken only a matter of hours as it was a simple case of Jack shot Jill over Bill, and Jack wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, and was unable to hold a pokerface. It was 5PM and most people were finishing their shifts and going home for the weekend. Lucky for Kate and her team, they had a free weekend, courtesy of the new Captain, which meant they had two free days to do as they pleased.

Castle was sat on his chair by the desk fiddling with his iPhone as usual. She kept sneaking glances at him, finding his concentration adorable. Of course, Castle had pretty good peripheral vision, meaning that he could see Kate staring at him and was managing not to smile about it. Leant over her desk filling in forms, she blinked as her surroundings flashed bright white. Castle was sat next to her holding his phone in her direction having just taken her photo.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing. Just needed a new contact picture for you and I couldn't resist taking one."

She rolled her eyes at him. She knew full well that he didn't need a new picture of her. He'd gone home one night and accidentally left his phone behind. Unknown to her, she called him and found his cell with a picture of her laughing with Alexis glaring up from the screen. Normally she would've said something about it, but it wasn't that bad a photo of her.

After another few minutes, Ryan and Esposito stood up and started to put their jackets on. Ryan was on the phone to Jenny as Esposito walked over to them with a grim look on his face.

"Hey, guy. You know what tomorrow is, right?"

Kate looked at her watch which had the date on it and guilt immediately washed over her. She'd completely forgotten about it. She took a deep breath and put her hands over her face.

"It's Roy's birthday. He'd be 55."

There was more silence as Ryan joined them after ending his phone call. "Jenny can't make it. It's just us four and Lanie."

"Where are we going?"

Esposito frowned. "I thought Lanie would've told you. We were gonna go visit his grave together. We haven't been back since the second funeral, seeing as the first one... you know. But we weren't sure if you wanted to go or not considering what happened last time you were there. I'm sure the Captain would understand."

Roy had died for her without a thought. She needed to go and say thank you, even if he couldn't actually hear them.

"No, no. I'll be there. What time and where?"

* * *

><p>It was twelve noon and she and Castle were in Remy's to get lunch, waiting for the others to join them. After eating, they were going to go to the florist across the street and then to the cemetary.<p>

"Sure you're okay doing this? I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you." Castle spoke quietly and took a drink from his coffee.

"I have to face it sometime and I want to say goodbye to Roy properly. I didn't get the chance last time."

"Just don't feel that you have to prove yourself to us. We won't think any less of you."

She gave him a faint smile and looked back down to the table. She knew this was going to be hard, but she was starting to think that it wasn't a good idea, but she couldn't back down now.

The door swung open noisily as Ryan, Esposito and Lanie came to sit down with them. After a few minutes of idle chatter, they all received their food. Inevitably, they got to speaking about the late Captain.

"Do you remember the time where he made the killer cry in the interrogation? I'll always remember that about him. I was inspired." Ryan and Kate smile and nodded at Esposito's recollection, but Lanie and Castle had no idea what they were talking about. Seeing their confusion, he ellaborated. "A man was found stabbed in his home and in the end, all leads pointed to the brother, but it still wasn't quite enough, so we needed a confession. He was a pretty tough guy, but within five minutes of watching Montgomery from behind the glass, we were shocked. They guy had tears streaming down his face and he couldn't speak from sobbing. We never did find out his motive, but he confessed and begged to be locked up. The man was amazing in there."

Ryan chuckled to himself. He spoke to Lanie and Castle as they hadn't been there. "When I first joined Homicide, Javier and Kate were already working there and had been for a few months so I didn't really know anybody. Roy could tell I was nervous so he pulled me aside and he said to me,' Now, Son. I know it's your first day catching killers, but you have nothing to worry about. You see those two out there? Two of the best cops I have on this floor and I want you to join them. The man is Javier Esposito. He may look tough, but he's a pretty nice guy and he'll have your back. You'll get along just fine, and Kate Beckett, she'll look out for you too, but my only advice is don't embarass her, she's got a pretty mean right hook and knows how to use a gun.'"

Kate continued. "Of course he forgot that advice when he came out, shook our hands and called Esposito 'Boss'. He got all the paperwork from the cases that had come in in the last week."

Ryan went red at the memory and everyone else went silent while they finished their meals after laughing for a little while. Castle paid and they all crossed the street to the flower shop. The men stayed outside but the girls went in.

"I may be an ME, but I know something about flowers, and these are perfect." She held up a bunch of Zinnia's for Kate to look at.

"They look lovely. Perfect."

"They mean 'In Memory of an absent friend.' Appropriate don't you think?"

After purchasing the Zinnia's, they slowly made their way along the streets. Lanie and Kate at front and the boys following them closely. As they got to the cemetary, their joyful conversation stopped and faces went grim.

Kate dropped behind to walk with Castle as the others made their way slowly to his grave. It was the same place were Kate had been shot and she had started to shake, but she wouldn't let it show.

**Roy Montgomery**

**1956-2011**

**Beloved Husband, Treasured Friend**

Looking at the inscription on the gravestone, Kate remembered exactly how close she'd come to having her name written on stone as well.

* * *

><p><em>"Roy Montgomery taught me, what it meant to be a cop."<em>

_She looked around and saw the folded flag being handed to Roy's wife. She was crying and her daughters were leaning on her shoulders, tears staining their faces repeatedly. Castle was stood next to her, looking into the crowd of people who had gathered for the same reason as herself. Ryan and Esposito were also in their uniforms, looking smart, standing tall and proud. Lanie was stood next to Esposito, her hand grasping his tightly, a tear threating to escape the corner of her eye. She also saw Alexis looking gloomy, stood next to Martha who was wearing sunglasses. Stood next to her was her father, looking towards her with both empathy and pride._

_"He taught me that we are bound by our choices. We are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said to me that for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And in the end, the best you can hope for, is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."_

_After those words, Beckett could only think of one person. The man stood next to her had stood by her through everything. Through her mothers case, through Royce's case, when a serial killer had tried to kill 'Nikki Heat'. He kept her warm when they were trapped and freezing to death in a freezer, and he held her hand when they thought they were about to fall victim to a dirty bomb, before saving her life, along with every other person in New York._

_"Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight, and even if there is..."_

_Then she heard it. A gun shot. _

_Then she felt it. The searing pain._

_"KATE!" Castle dived towards her, tackling her to the floor, crushing her under his weight. She could hear the screams before she hit the ground. Her hat went flying from her head and to the grass by her side. She couldn't move. She didn't want to move. It hurt to much, and all she could see was Castle, staring down as her, the fear evident in his eyes._

_"Ok..." He put his hand under her head to support her and make her look at him, maintaining eye contact. "Shhh..."_

* * *

><p>The memory stopped abruptly as Castle placed his hand on her shoulder and gave her a concerned look. It took everything she had to keep a straight face and stop the tears from spilling out, but the facade only lasted a few moments. She let the tears fall and sobbed into Castle's jacket as he pulled her to him and wrapped her in a deep embrace.<p>

The others looked on but said nothing. They stood in silence for a good ten to fifteen minutes before they left, with the exeption of Castle and Kate who were now stood infront of the gravestone. The tears had stopped for the time being but she had no doubt they would come again, which meant she had to get her words out quickly. After looking at Castle, he stepped back to give her some space.

"I'm sorry, Roy. It's all my fault. If only I hadn't gone after Lockwood. If only I had listened to Rick." Her eyes filled up with tears as she carried on. "Even though I feel guilty that you're gone, I want to say thank you. Thank you for helping me in my job, thank you for helping me as a second father, and thank you for keeping me safe even though it got you here. I always felt willing to die for my mother's killer to be found, but it's different when it's someone who didn't deserve it." She burst into tears again and her partner wasn't far away. He consoled her again until she was ready to stand. As they turned to walk away, Castle nodded towards the headstone out of respect and thanks.

Instead of walking to the exit, Kate steered him a different way. He knew where they were going and he wasn't going to object. They stopped suddenly and Kate smiled at him and turned to the stone.

"Hey, Mom."

She sat on the grass infront of the headstone and crossed her legs before patting the ground next to her, asking Castle to sit with her. How could he refuse?

"It's been a while since I've been here and I'm sorry, but I was a little busy. I got shot, actually, just a few metres away. As you can see, I'm not alone. This is Richard Castle, my partner, and the mystery writer." She laughed. "If I close my eyes, I can just imagine your face at meeting him. You had all his books and were waiting for the next one to be released."

Castle had a mixture of emotions inside him. Shock, that he was Johanna Beckett's favorite author, sheer joy, that Kate was introducing him to her mother, even if she wasn't able to say hello, and most of all, admiration for the woman sat infront of him.

She was always so professional and closed-up and now, sat infront of him, she was carefree and just... happy.

"I told you about him a while ago. About how annoying he is, and how I wish he'd just go away." She could picture the look of devastation on his face, and refused to sneak a peek at him. "But that was before, and I'm so glad he stayed. He's the one who's getting us closer to finding the bastard who did this to you. He's my best friend, believe it or not and I wish you could have met him. You'd have got on great, I know it."

She wiped the tears from her cheek. She didn't cry much when she came to see her mom anymore, but every so often she would just let go if there was no one around, and now, even though Castle was sat next to her, she knew that he wouldn't judge her. He never had. She was looking to the ground and absentmindedly tracing circles on his knee. He shocked her when he decided to talk as well.

"Mrs Beckett, I've heard a lot about you and I wish I could have met you too. If you're anything like your daughter, I know you would have been a most amazing woman. I also know that as a parent, you want the best for your child and want nothing more than for them to protected, be safe. I can't promise you that Kate won't get shot again or even be killed, but I can promise that I'll try to stop it, that I'll always be by her side, because I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

By the end of Castle's little speech, Kate fingers were no longer on his knee, but intertwined with his, and her head was against her shoulders. Eventually they both got up and made their way back to her apartment. They were stood outside her door unsure of what to say.

"Thank you for what you said today. It really meant a lot to me." Kate was sincere as she looked him in the eyes.

"What you said to me meant a lot to me too." He smiled back.

"Do you want to come up for a drink or a movie?" _Please say yes._

"I'd love to, but I have to get home. I promised me and Alexis we'd watch a movie. We haven't spent all that much time together lately."

"I'm sorry I took up all your time."

"Hey, it's fine. It was time well spent. She understood and she liked having you over. But it's time for father and daughter time."

They looked at each other for a few moments before Castle put his hand on her cheek and stroked the skin there with his thumb.

"You remembered the shooting, didn't you?" He said it so quietly she almost didn't hear. She simply nodded, not wanting to speak.

"I don't remember it all. It's still blurry. I can't remember much after hitting the ground."

He sighed and he looked away as she looked up and dropped his hand.

"Until tomorrow, Detective."

He walked away and went home to his apartment leaving her stood outside her door. It was obvious that something was up with him. He'd looked pretty upset after she told him her memory was blurry and she had reason to believe he was keeping something from her. Of course he'd be sad at having to remember her being shot, but this was something else entirely.

* * *

><p>That night, lied in bed, she dreamed of the shooting but more clearly. Yet the end of it was still to distorted to make any sense of. She only got images of Castle looking down at her, tears in his eyes and that alone broke her heart.<p>

She decided she'd try to find out.

Maybe Lanie knew something...


	17. I Love You

_It's the last chapter at long last. My connection problems came back which is why I didn't post again. :_

_I struggled with this chapter. I knew how I wanted her to remember, but not where, but I decided I could do more if they were with friends, so I hope you like it._

_I'd like to thank everyone who's read my story, has been following it, favorited it, reviewed and simply read it. So, thank you everyone. (:_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters._

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 17 - I Love You<span>

"To Kate!"

They all raised their glasses and repeated Castle's words loudly. The woman in question was blushing furiously looking at her drink, yet smiling at the same time.

Ryan, Jenny, Esposito, Lanie, Castle and her were at the Old Haunt in their favorite booth celebrating their latest case. It was open and shut, but it had been the first one since Kate had been allowed back out in the field after being shot in the spring. She'd proved her strength when she tackled the suspect from behind and flooring him spectacularly. They'd all watched in awe. It was as if nothing had changed over the previous months and she certainly earned her night off, courtesy of the captain, who had been secretly impressed by the Detective.

After her memory a few nights ago, she'd asked Lanie if she knew anything about the remainder of the shooting, and told Kate that she knew nothing. They were best friends. She knew that the ME was lying, but she wasn't going to press further. Lanie was just as stubborn as she was at times, and she'd never give it up.

"I've been back for a month already."

"Yeah, but you've been confined to a desk with an annoying mystery author who is incapable of being quiet." Ryan and Esposito whined.

"And why are you two so upset about that?"

"Because you'd stick him with us whenever you had to calm down at the risk of killing him." Ryan pointed in Castle's direction who gasped theatrically.

"I am not annoying, and she wouldn't dare touch a single hair on my beautiful head." He flicked his hair out of his eyes in a feminine manner whilst batting his eyelashes at her.

"You do realise that you just forbid me from touching you..?" She raised her eyebrows and put her hand on his knee under the table and slowly let her fingers crawl up his thigh towards his-

"Ok. You win. Feel free to touch me whenever you want." He grabbed her hand and put it on the table in everyone's sight which caught the attention of everyone else. Lanie couldn't help but wonder where her hand had been to cause Castle to be that flustered.

"Either get a room or keep your hands to yourselves. We don't need that in public."

Kate raised her hands at the ME and said, "My hands shall remain to myself." She took a drink of her beer. "In public."

A warm spray of beer narrowly missed the table infront of the writer as he almost choked at her comment.

"Problem, Castle?"

He regained his composure quickly. "No, no problem. In fact, I was just remembering that there's a very empty office downstairs if you should feel the need to settle your urges." He winked at her, playing her at her own game.

"Seriously, will you two just sleep together, already?"

Everyone turned their heads to look at Jenny who looked the perfect picture of innocence. "What?" Ryan laughed at her.

"We've told them to do just that for years, but they're incredibly stubborn," Ryan informed her.

"Yeah, and stupid," Lanie continued. She got an intense glare from her best friend. "What, Girl? You are. I mean, if I were you and I weren't with Javi, I'd be down in that office right now touching everything I can get at."

"Hey!" Esposito elbowed her with a hurt look on his face.

"Relax, baby, you know I only have eyes for you." They kissed until Kate coughed loudly enough to separate them. She then turned to Castle who was a shade of red she didn't know existed.

"Don't worry, Esposito, I wouldn't give you the excuse to kick my ass. I already have one cop threatening to kill me every two minutes. Besides, no offence, Lanie, I'm sure it would be great, but you're not my type."

"What is your type, Castle?" Kate questioned him.

Just then, the music became more upbeat, perfect for dancing. The Old Haunt was fairly empty tonight as it wasn't the weekend, which meant there was plenty of room for them to move to the music.

Instead of answering her question, Castle stood up and extended his hand towards her. "Dance with me?"

"I'm okay, Castle." She turned back to her drink to see everyone staring at her, silently ordering her to accept his offer. She managed to ignore them until she jerked, thanks to Lanie's foot meeting her shin. Kate rolled her eyes and stood up taking Castle's hand.

She was more than happy to dance with him and her heart had jumped at the chance to get so close to him, but her mind was scared that she'd say or do something stupid to offend him. As they started to move to the music, she couldn't remember why she had tried to refuse. They weren't the only ones dancing now. Lanie and Jenny were dancing with Esposito and Ryan, along with two or three other people who had decided to join them.

"So I finally get to see the famous Richard Castle dance, huh?" Kate was trying to talk to stop the moment feeling awkward, even if everything between them was a lot more comfortable as of late.

"Not very good, as you can see. I used to spend more time trying to chat girls up than actually dance with them or getting to know them. It's nice being able to dance with my friends rather than a bunch of fake fangirls who are after my money."

"Jenny was a bit of a fangirl when she first met you. Couldn't believe it was you."

"So were you, though you hide it well." He chucked. "Katherine Beckett, by biggest fan."

She gave him a smirk and bit her lip. "No comment."

She turned to him fully and put her hands on his chest while she danced. He stood perfectly still, attempting to control his breathing. She impatiently grabbed his hands and put them on her hips. He immediately moved them up to her waist only to have them placed back on her hips by her a few seconds later. She was remarkably close now and was slowly closing the gap between their bodies while she moved seductively to the music.

"I thought you said we had to keep our hands to ourselves." He whispered into her ear. He didn't mean for his voice to be so quiet, but she'd literally left him breathless.

"Are you asking me to stop?" When he shook his head to say no, she moved so she was looking straight into his eyes, their mouths centimeters apart. His hands moved futher up her back rooting her body to his as he leaned in closer.

Richard Castle was a clumsy man. He knocked things over, burnt food and fell over invisible objects, which was exactly what happened before their lips met. She gasped as they fell to the ground, Castle landing on top of the Detective. Their friends turned to look as they heard the thump and they started laughing. Eventually Castle joined in, as well as Kate. He looked down at her before starting to get up, admiring the way her hair was spread across the floor, the way he eyes sparkled with happiness and the sound of her laughter filling his ears, until all of a sudden she went silent and wide eyed.

* * *

><p><em>"KATE!" Castle dived towards her, tackling her to the floor, crushing her under his weight. She could hear the screams before she hit the ground. Her hat went flying from her head and to the grass by her side. She couldn't move. She didn't want to move. It hurt to much, and all she could see was Castle, staring down as her, the fear evident in his eyes.<em>

_"Ok..." He put his hand under her head to support her and make her look at him, maintaining eye contact. "Shhh..."_

_She had shallow breathing and was making pained noises whilst trying to resist the urge to slip under. Her eyes were transfixed, silently pleading with him to help her. To take away the pain._

_"Stay with me, Kate." There was screaming all around her and she could hear the boys going after the shooter noisly and yet Castle was whispering. He was holding her in his arms, comforting her and he was being gentle and quiet, trying to calm her._

_"Don't leave me. Please." He was begging her to stay awake and she wanted nothing more than to obey but she could barely talk. She could barely breathe. He was closer now, their noses almost touching._

_"Stay with me, OK?" His voice broke as he was speaking and even though she'd just been shot, her heart was breaking for _him_. She tried to nod but it hurt too much. Everything hurt too much._

_"Kate..." His voice was barely there. If he'd been any further away she would've missed the words he'd been trying to send for so long. "I love you. I love you, Kate."_

_A tear fell out the corner of her eye. There was no stopping it. Just like there was no stopping the slight smile that quivered on her face. And there was no stopping her vision fading to black._

* * *

><p>Mirroring her new found memory, a tear rolled down her face, disappearing into her hair. Castle reached up to wipe them from her skin, but she moved away from his touch. She started to fight against him and ran across the room after he rolled away from her and sat on the floor watching her leave. He lay back down, closed his eyes and groaned audibly due to annoyance with himself. What had he done now?<p>

* * *

><p>She was sat on the sofa in Castle's underground office trying to stop her crying. She didn't really know why her tears had started in the first place? Sadness, at remembering the seconds before everything went black, at putting him through that and then forgetting. Anger that he had to admit his love for her as she was seemingly dying on the ground in front of him? Or happiness that that he'd said it at all, at her realisation that he loved her like she loved him?<p>

She was so deep in her thoughts that she only noticed her partner's presence as the sofa dipped down to her right under his weight. They sat there for a few minutes, not knowing exactly what to say.

"I'm sorry." He said it quietly. She almost didn't hear they words comes from his mouth.

She wiped her eyes with the tissue that she'd gotten from his desk and replied, "For what?"

He looked at her. "I don't know," he said honestly. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I may have to customary bruise on my ass from falling over, but I'll live."

"Did I make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Well, you're not the lightest of people to be stuck underneath." He opened his mouth to say something. "I know what you meant, Castle. The answer's no. I wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, I was exactly where I wanted to be."

She sat back and waited for him to speak. It didn't take long.

"Then why are you crying, Kate?"

Silence.

"You can tell me, you know. I'm your best friend."

Turning to look at him, she spoke. "Stay with me, Kate."

He looked at her confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't leave me. Please."

As far he was concerned, she wasn't making any sense. He only realised what was she was saying until she uttered her next sentence.

"Stay with me, OK?"

He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. He nodded, communicating to her that he knew what she was saying. She'd remembered their one way conversation on the floor of the cemetary after she'd been shot months ago. When he'd told her exactly how he felt about her. But she didn't stop speaking at his acknowledgement.

"Kate..."

She was interupted. "Kate, I love you." He reached for her hand. "I love you, Kate."

He finished her sentence and wiped her tears from her faces before taking her in his arms. She breathed into his chest as his arms wrapped around her.

"I meant it, you know. I still do."

She smiled into his chest. There was only one more thing left to do. Taking his face between her hands, she kissed each cheek and then kissed him delicately on the lips. "The worst thing about the memory wasn't the fact that I'd been shot, or that you had just told me you loved me in a damn cemetary," she spoke, simultaneously poking him in the shoulder. "but that I can recall lying there and not being able to tell you that I love you too."

"Sorry." His expression suddenly changed as her words sunk in. "Did you just say..?"

She nodded.

"So does that mean..?"

She nodded.

"So, I can do this..." He brushed his lips lightly with hers. "Whenever I want?" She simply smiled at his excitement before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him towards her. Lips met slowly and sweetly, moving cautiously, until three years of sexual frustration was unleashed all at once. Lips parted, kisses deepened and tongues met with a fury they didn't know existed. Hands roamed and matching groans were released as teeth nipped. Breaking apart, they tried to catch the lost oxygen that they'd given up in order to taste each other.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I think I want to touch even more than I did before."

She laughed at him. "I know what you mean."

"You, know... In case you haven't noticed, we're alone and _finally _in my office if you want to-"

"No. I will not let you feel me up in your office. Now come on, we have to go back upstairs. They'll be wondering what we're doing."

"They've been betting on what we've been doing for years. Do you wanna tell them or tease them?"

She considered his question for a minute. She wanted to tease them, but that meant having to hide for a while, and she didn't have the energy right now. Telling them would be easy enough, but they're trained detectives, or dating/engaged to trained to detectives. Not to mention that one of them was an ME that was extremely good at reading people, namely her.

"Neither. We go up there and act as we would if they knew. See who finds out first."

He kissed her forehead and let her walk up the steps.

"I like your thinking." He followed her a few steps behind so that his face was level with her ass. "I see something else that I like right here."

"All in good time, Castle." He stopped abruptly on the last step and went into a daydream until the barman brought him back to reality.

* * *

><p>Kate went back to the table alone while Castle went to get the next round. He didn't have to pay after all. She sat down in her earlier seat and started to bite her fingernails, something she did when she was nervous. Lanie knew that snippet of information about her.<p>

"You okay, Kate?"

"Don't worry about me Lanie. I'm good. Really good."

Lanie eyed her suspisciously but she decided to let it slide. She smiled at Castle as he came back and handed the drinks to them.

"So what are you guys talking about?" He placed his hand on Kate's thigh under the table and she grasped his hand casually, as though it was something she'd been doing all her life.

"Jenny and Ryan's wedding." Esposito turned to Castle and rolled his eyes, obviously not amused at the constant talk about flowers and gifts.

"More specifically, the dress. Seriously, it's beautiful. Of course, I can't go into details with Kev here, but I have a picture. And don't bother looking for it, Kevin Ryan, I have a password on it and the hard copies under lock and key.

Ryan smiled and nodded, kissing his bride-to-be on the cheek. "I want it to be a surprise."

Castle leaned into Kate from behind her to whisper in her ear. "You should probably tell the tech guys that they have to double check any password hack requests form him with you first. He'll go looking."

She turned to face him, not realising how close he was. "Nah, he won't. He loves her and respects her and I'm pretty sure it would make his first look at her walking up the aisle that little more amazing."

"Will you be wearing a dress?" They were talking quietly now, unaware that everyone else sat at the table could hear them word for word.

"Be a good boy and I'll let you choose for me." She could feel his breath on her face and couldn't resist the occasional glimpse at his lips.

"Trust me, Detective, I am far from a good boy." The world around them faded, as well as the space the between them.

"Good." She moved forward and kissed him thoroughly. He was shocked that she'd kiss him infront of her friends, especially like this, but who was he to resist?

After they pulled apart, they smiled at each other before turning to the slack-jawed look on their faces. Kate decided to play innocent. "What's wrong guys?"

Lanie recovered first.

"First of all, that was hot. Secondly, when the hell did this happen?" Lanie pointed between them with a confused, but satisfied look on her face.

Kate feigned confusion for a few more seconds. "Oh! That! Did I not mention that? Must have slipped my mind."

Lanie stood up as best she could and leaned over the table to hug her friend. "I'm so happy for you. And by the way, if in the future you don't mention that you're getting married or having a baby, it might slip my mind to get you a gift."

They all shared congratulations and dollar bills under the table. After another hour of friendly conversation, they decided to call it a night. When they stepped outside, it was fairly cold and Kate started to shiver. Castle pulled her to him as the waited for their friends to exit the building and wrapped his jacket around her while he was still wearing it. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sank into his body.

"Fancy coming over to mine? No funny business, but it's cold and as I'm sure you can remember, I have a closet full of blankets for us to use."

"I'd like that." She smiled, something she'd been doing constantly all evening.

"I love you, Kate."

"Meh, you're OK." She teased.

"Hey, I'm giving you my warmth here." He placed his hand over his heart feigning hurt.

"I love you, too, you big idiot."

"Here come the insults..."

"Relax, you're my big idiot." At the sound of shuffling feet, they saw Lanie stood near them with an expression on her face that clearly indicated her need to go, "Awwww." Jenny stood with her, a similar look adorning her features, and Ryan and Eposito were stood on her other side staring Castle down. He knew what was coming. While they others said their goodbyes, he hailed down a cab and waited for Kate. "Hurry up and get in the car, Ryan and Esposito want to have the talk with me. As you can guess from my award-winning cowardice, I'm gonna save that time for another day."

"Castle, bro." Esposito walked towards him with Ryan following close behind.

"Get in, Kate," he hissed. She laughed and climbed in, letting Castle get in after her. He shut the door quickly leaving the boys stood outside the window creating their own breed of sign language. Ryan pointed to Kate and made a crying action and Esposito pointed to Castle and drew an invisible line across his throat. They then smiled and waved goodbye, shifting from threatening to friendly in a matter of seconds.

"Wow, cute." Castle gulped and gave the cab driver his address.

Kate leaned against him closing her eyes for several minutes before he spoke.

"Are you sure about this?" He regretted the question. He's practically giving her a chance to reject him.

"No." _Crap. _"But I'm not going anywhere."

He exhaled in relief. "Good. I'm never letting you go."

"You'll have to let me go for now, we have to get out of the car." She sat up and dashed out the car quickly. He paid the driver and ran after her, confident in the knowledge that he'd finally be able to catch her and keep her.

"Kaaaate!"

Yup. They could get used to this.


End file.
